Too Many Turtles - DysfunctionalRequest (2024)

Chapter 1: And So It Begins

Chapter Text

>>Teenage Mutant Ninja Teetles <<

~MagicMike~:

it was only a little bit of fire I’m not sure why you’re freakin man

I mean

only a small flame!!

~~Electro~~:

as a fellow mikey I sympathise

Red:

Your all bad influences

Mikey it was a lot of fire??!!!

~MagicMike~:

hhhnnngg no

Bootyyyshaker9000:

[Photo ID: A flaming junkyard takes up most of the camera. In the background, you can see Leo taking a selfie and Mikey throwing more pieces of junk into the fire. Mikey is slightly blurred, his grin more feral in the fire light. Raph is no where in the shot]

I’m so proud

Red:

that was not that big when I was there

You told me you were putting it out???

HasTheBraincell:

I don’t know why you thought mikey would do what he is told, whatever universe

Though Leo joining in is rather unexpected.

AteTheBraincell:

thats barely a fire

Coward

Red:

Please for the love of all things do not encourage them

Bootyyyshaker9000:

[Photo ID: the same image as before, but Leo’s mask tails are on fire. Leo remains oblivious, posing at the camera.]

Do I tell him

WantsTheBraincell:

Yes????!!!!

~~Electro~~:

don’t

film it for me

please

Bootyyyshaker9000:

What can you offer me @~~Electro~~

I_Crave_Chemicals:

No don’t, this is a science experiment

CaptainLeo:

Save him???

f*ck:

has he burnt to death yet

~~Electro~~:

@Bootyyyshaker9000 idk discord nitro ig

Red:

DONNIE

WantsTheBraincell:

What is wrong with you people

f*ck:

*turtles

~~Electro~~:

*teetles

~MagicMike~:

*neetle teetles

WantsTheBraincell:

Kill me

HasTheBraincell:

As nominated braincell I’m going to ask you to maybe not let him burn to death @Bootyyyshaker9000

Because you know

It’s mean

f*ck:

Coward

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Raph I swear you’ve called someone a coward every minute so far

We’ve only had this gc for a few days

Red:

DONNIE

HasTheBraincell:

My bad, I will say again.

I just was tinkering with the portal gun those little guys gave us and bam

Just a science whoopsie

AteTheBraincell:

You say that as if it’s normal for a mistake to create a rip off discord for our counterparts

HasTheBraincell:

Don’t question science!

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Don’t question science!

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Don’t question science, you fool

AteTheBraincell:

Great what I always wanted

More nerds

I_Crave_Chemicals:

@AteTheBraincell says the turtle who says he ate a braincell

CaptainLeo:

Please tell me someone has put him out?

AteTheBraincell:

@I_Crave_Chemicals I did that to assert dominance

~~Electro~~:

did

did it work?

WantsTheBraincell:

We’ve only got one braincell to share in this family

Don’t make that none

Also is Blue okay???

AteTheBraincell:

f*ck YEA

Bootyyyshaker9000:

[Photo ID: The fire has grown, and Leo is seen squinting at his phone camera as the flames grow higher on his mask.]

[Photo ID: Exact same as before, only now Leo’s eyes are comically wide as he spots the flaming mask tails.]

[Photo ID: Blurred image of Leo spinning around, mid scream as he pulls off his mask. Mikey is screaming in the background.]

He found out, needless to say.

~~Electro~~:

@WantsTheBraincell you text like an old man lol

AYOO HE DIDN’T DIE

f*ck:

Booooooooo

CaptainLeo:

Why are you booing at my alternates lack of misery

Should I be concerned??

f*ck:

Boooooooooo

Red:

Donnie you have five seconds to f*ckin run

~MagicMike~:

[Photo ID: Mikey with his arms slung around Leo. They are both smiling at the camera, both notably singed but otherwise fine. Leo no longer has his mask on, and the fire is still visible in the background.]

He made it!!

@Bootyyyshaker9000 oh f*ck man you gotta start haulin ass

Red:

Don’t think I’m done with any of you

Raphs gonna ground you so long you’ll all be ancient by the time you can go out again

Bootyyyclapper9000:

excuze me

I was a victim

I almost died

HasTheBraincell:

I don’t think you would have died, dw!

Bootyyyclapper9000:

you’re not helpping

CaptainLeo:

Well grounding is never that effective for me and my brothers

We kinda just keep going out??

f*ck:

We drag u along

Don’t pretend to be cool

Like me

~~Electro~~:

*like us

WantsTheBraincell:

I mean

That’s pretty much the same

I try for like a few days but

There’s three brothers around you already plotting how to get out and that encourages me too much

HasTheBraincell:

That’s why you wish you had the one brain cell

~MagicMike~:

Old blue literally getting peer pressured into breaking rules

WantsTheBraincell:

Shut

~~Electro~~:

*whispers* he’s not very cool, is he?

AteTheBraincell:

get f*cked @WantsTheBraincell

WantsTheBraincell:

I wish you were within close proximity so I could unleash the spray bottle on you all

HasTheBraincell:

You promised you got rid of it!!

Bootyclapper9000:

SPRAY BOTTLE??!!?!!!! LIKE A f*ckIN CAT????!!

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Too bad, multiversal boundaries stop that

WantsTheBraincell:

[Photo ID: a spray bottle that looks at least a decade old, covered in glitter and crayon squiggles that look like the work of a younger child. In large, unsteady letters it reads ‘BAD BROTHER SPREY’ in blue marker. Again, the writing looks like a young child’s.]

@HasTheBraincell you thought wrong

It’s very much alive

Yes, it’s literally like dealing with a bunch of feral cats around here. Whenever one of them pisses me off I spray this at them until they stop

HasTheBraincell:

Animal cruelty

WantsTheBraincell:

Big brother privileges

Red:

Im taking notes

AteTheBraincell:

I ain’t no feral cat

WantsTheBraincell:

I disagree

Apart from Mikey you are most like a feral cat, sorry to break it to you

CaptainLeo:

Ugh I wish I had one of those!

~~Electro~~:

*sad turtle noises*

Bootyyyclapper9000:

DONT GIVE RED IDEAS @WantsTheBraincell

I_Crave_Chemicals:

I thought you all liked water?

At least you do, you’re a slider right?

Actually, I’m pretty sure @UNIVERSE_03 like water too? How is this effective?

Bootyyyclapper9000:

its the principal that countss

AteTheBraincell:

We ain’t f*ckin cats

Don’t get me wrong I love water but

HasTheBraincell:

Again, animal cruelty

~MagicMikey~:

@WantsTheBraincell im reporting you to PETA

~~Electro~~:

youre f*cked lol lol lol

HasTheBraincell:

As a younger sibling, I am not a fan of the older brother privilege

~~Electro~~:

^^

I_Crave_Chemicals:

^^

AteTheBraincell:

I agree

Bootyyyclapper9000:

^^

Donnie agrees too hes just hiding from red

~~MagicMikey~~:

**Amen**

f*ck:

^^

WantsTheBraincell:

This is bullying

CaptainLeo:

Raphael please don’t organise another mutiny swtg

~~Electro~~:

RISE RISE RISE

Bootyshaker9000:

I vote to overthrow all Leos.

Bootyyyclapper9000:

NOOOOO

twinnie

AteTheBraincell:

Twins???? You two???

f*ck:

Wtf

Are you not all the same age?

HasTheBraincell:

Me and Raphie are twins actually

Sometimes

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Excuse me what

Sometimes?

>>mute chat<<

CaptainLeo:

@everyone

Whoever’s Mikey has been screaming in the ASMR voice channel for three hours straight, could you get him out?

HasTheBraincell:

I’m so sorry that’s mine

I wondered why he was so quiet

~~Electro~~:

THREE HOURS SHDHSJJSK

I_Crave_Chemicals:

This is the third time in four days.

Please control your Mikey or I will have to use force

HasTheBraincell:

Don’t worry, I got back up.

>>ASMR Turtles!<<

[Audio Recording]

LostTheBraincell:

[Mikey is screaming into the microphone as loud as he physically can. His voice is ranging from high pitched squeals to low warbles, all grating noises that are distorted through the mic. Mikey pauses for a second, then speaks:

“Want me to get my cat on the mic?” He says and, without waiting for an answer, he starts screeching bad cat noises that almost drown out an angry shout in the distance.

Something bangs. Mikey screams.

“What the f*ck are you doin’?!” A low voice growls.

“Hey Raphie! Just some classic ASMR! Do you wanna –“

There is a clang and a shout.

“Three f*cking hours!”

“It’s funny –“

“Get over here!”

A loud crash, followed by several loud shrieks, is heard over the mic further away. Raph can be heard growling, and it sounds like multiple things are getting knocked down in the room. The fight steadily increases in volume and chaos until a sharp voice rings out.

“What happened here?! What did I say about fighting in rooms?!”

The voice is low and commanding. The crashes and bangs stop only for a moment before there is a loud thud – sounding suspiciously like Mikey had just been thrown against the wall.

Now the sounds of the fight have returned in twice the volume; Leo’s various cries of “STOP!” and “DON’T BITE HIM!” only adding to the fray.

Another particularly loud thud, and a grunt. Leo growls.

“Did you just hit me?”

“That was Raph!”

“That’s it –“ Leo hisses. Mikey screams close to the microphone as Leo seemingly joins in the fight. Distantly you can hear another, higher voice (presumably Donnie) pleading for them to stop “because you’re ruining the ASMR channel, you Neanderthals!”

“Hey Raph –“ A brash, thick voice sounds after a minute more of the crashing and yells. “I was wondering whether you wanted to beat up some – wait, are we fightin’?!”

“Casey, no!”

“GOONGALA!”

Audio suddenly cuts off after the sound of glass shattering.]

>>mute chat<<

f*ck:

Wtf was that

I_Crave_Chemicals:

My ears

Omg

CaptainLeo:

I think I just went through every ring of hell at once

Chapter 2: The Isolation Chamber

Chapter Text

>> Teenage Mutant Ninja Teetles <<

~~Electro~~:

Can someone get me some melted wax I want to try out a new cooking experiment

Wait

Wrong chat mb

WantsTheBraincell:

Excuse me

~~Electro~~:

forget bout it

WantsTheBraincell:

No?

~~Electro~~:

daaamb you text so old big leo

imagine punctuation

not me

I_Crave_Chemicals:

And here I was, about to announce some upgrades to the server

But I think I’m a little more concerned about you wanting melted wax

~~Electro~~:

No ignore that i wanna hear about new server upgrades!!!!!111!!

WantsTheBraincell:

No I vote we talk about the melted wax

Honestly sounds like something my Donnie would try and cook

HasTheBraincell:

You don’t appreciate the science behind my experiments, Leo.

WantsTheBraincell:

Do you want to lose brain cell privileges??

Don’t make me take them away

HasTheBraincell:

Sorry, great leader

LostTheBraincell:

*sniffs* do I smell…scarcasm? From Donnie?

HasTheBraincell:

Mikey, I recommend you try to keep your beak out of this domestic feud before I decide it isn’t worth my time to fix your games console today

LostTheBraincell:

AUUYGHHA

~~Electro~~:

@I_Crave_Chemicals

Dee

Dee

updates???

f*ck:

i got the melted wax for ya and casey says he can bring some gunpowder if he gets to watch

Red:

EXCUSE ME

WantsTheBraincell:

Excuse me

Bootyyyshaker9000:

I was summoned when I saw discussions of an explosion, dear alternate brethren. What can I assist with?

Red:

Don’t make me put you in air jail Donnie

Don’t encourage him please

HasTheBraincell:

At least Mikey hasn’t seen this discussion

LostTheBraincell:

ARSON???

YEEAAAAAAHH

HasTheBraincell:

Mikey remember our talk?

LostTheBraincell:

Nah

WantsTheBraincell:

Kill me

Red:

Does he always make death jokes?

HasTheBraincell:

You’d be surprised

If he isn’t being stupidly reckless he’s doing this -_-

WantsTheBraincell:

I’m not reckless, come on

AteTheBraincell:

Last week you wanted to jump into a moving bus from a skyscraper with no kind of parachute to try and return a purse for an old lady

Bull.sh*t

~~Electro~~:

im dying sksksk

WantsTheBraincell:

>:(

~~Electro~~:

HAHAHAH f*ckING

THAT f*ckIN

>:(

ILD MAN OLD MAN

f*ck:

sounds about right for a leo

Red:

@Bootyyyclapper9000

dont

dont do this.

I_Crave_Chemicals:

I can feel myself regressing every second I am here

~~Electro~~:

join us

join us

@~MysticMikey~

@LostTheBraincell

~MysticMikey~:

Join us

Join us

LostTheBraincell:

join us

join us

WantsTheBraincell:

Okay that’s enough Mikey cult for one day

CaptainLeo:

The announcement, Donnie?

LostTheBraincell:

[Voice note]

[A very loud, long sound of Mikey blowing a raspberry]

HasTheBraincell:

I’m so sorry about him

Can’t take him anywhere

AteTheBraincell:

@LostTheBraincell this is why you haven’t been nominated brain cell in almost a year

LostTheBraincell:

[Voice note]

[Another raspberry being blown, somehow louder and longer]

AteTheBraincell:

Im gonna cut out his tongue I swear

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Actually, that brings me onto the first announcement! Observe!

>@LostTheBraincell has been put in The Isolation Chamber by @I_Crave_Chemicals for 120 minutes<

f*ck:

HA HA WHAT

WHAT IS THAT

~~Electro~~:

noooo

a mikey has fallen!!!

AteTheBraincell:

I have no idea what just happened but I f*ckin love it

CaptainLeo:

oh –

WantsTheBraincell:

Finally, peace and quiet

Bootyyyclapper9000:

AYO

AYO

WHAT

daaaamn he lliterally got the “go straight to jail” treaatmentt

I_Crave_Chemicals:

That is what the @DonSuperiority team call the Isolation Chamber!

We created it after the ASMR incident that the 03 universe’s Michelangelo created

CaptainLeo:

That was the worst day of my life

I just wanted to hear some relaxing asmr and I get this rabid turtle scraping his claws against a chalkboard whilst screaming the lyrics to the Barbie song

Bootyyyclapper9000:

Lol WHAT

When did I miss this???

HasTheBraincell:

We took legal action

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Indeed! Anyone in the Isolation Chamber channel can only talk and interact in that channel alone, where they have thirty minutes to plead their case before the full sentence comes into effect!

f*ck:

Plead?

Bootyyyshaker9000:

This can be done in whatever way the prisoner feels like will get them out

AteTheBraincell:

Can we make one of these in the lair @HasTheBraincell @WantsTheBraincell so we can physically lock mikey up forever

WantsTheBraincell:

He’s currently trying to break into my room to get me to let him back in the group chat so I’m inclined to bring this up in the next monthly turtle board meeting, yes.

Red:

Man, we need to have meetings like that

Whenever my brothers have ideas we all just kinda yell at each over at breakfast and the loudest wins

~MysticMikey~:

I always win

CaptainLeo:

What??

f*ck:

hey I want yelling contests

Bootyyyclapper9000:

“monthly turtle board meeting” sksjsjsks

I_Crave_Chemicals:

That’s not all! We’ve also created group chats for our own counterparts only! And we’ve finally perfected video call!

That’s why there’s a new “face chat” channel as well as these being a feature in all chats but this one

Bootyyyshaker9000:

You’re welcome

~~Electro~~:

YO

MIKEY CULT FR

~MysticMikey~:

FR FR

f*ck:

About time, donnie! I wanna talk to the other me’s about stuff that isn’t lame science or sh*t

WantsTheBraincell:

@DonnieSuperiority this is amazing, you have my gratitude :)

AteTheBraincell:

yeah, this is gonna be sick

Just keep me FAR AWAY from the mikey chat

HasTheBraincell:

Thank you!! It took quite a long time, but we all took shifts to get there!

Red:

Wow, this is so nice of you guys! You didn’t need to!

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Why settle for the basics when we can expand endlessly with our superior intellect!

Bootyyyclapper9000:

if i wasdnt so pumped fir this @Bootyyyshaker9000 i wouljd call u a nerd lol

Bootyyyshaker9000:

I have the power to put you in the isolation chamber with Michelangelo, don’t forget dear twin of mine

~~Electro~~:

is that why the toaster is still busted @I_Crave_Chemicals??? cos u worked on this instead???

I_Crave_Chemicals:

You broke the toaster again???

And here I thought I would be able to relax for a moment -_-

f*ck:

Eh, you like nerdy sh*t like putting toasters together

Next time we wont let leo near it

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Somehow I don’t believe you

HasTheBraincell:

[Photo ID: a screenshot of what appears to be a knock off discord chat, titled “Isolation Chamber”. In it, there is the same message spammed over and over, “LET ME OUT”, by 03 Michelangelo. The messages are slowly getting more chaotically written.]

He wants out.

~~Electro~~:

someone help him!

CaptainLeo:

@I_Crave_Chemicals I told you to fix the toaster ages ago :(

Also it’s not my fault it breaks whenever I try to use it

f*ck:

You stuck a spoon in it

CaptainLeo:

Well they say not to put knives in toasters and my toast was stuck

I needed something to get it out

~~Electro~~:

leo

leonardo

that toast was charcol

CaptainLeo:

It was fine!

Bootyyyshaker9000:

@CaptainLeo how did you think a spoon would solve the problem, I’m curious

Though that does sound like Blue

Bootyyyclapper9000:

:(

rude

~~Electro~~:

[Photo ID: a lump of black soot]

@CaptainLeo does this look like toast to you???

AteTheBraincell:

“just a little burnt”

HasTheBraincell:

How do you even get to that point??

CaptainLeo:

It looks fine to me!

WantsTheBraincell:

I think we need to quarantine that

AteTheBraincell:

feed it to our Mikey

He’ll probably do it if you give him a pack of gummies actually

Red:

What is that???

CaptainLeo:

Okay now you’re just being rude :(

f*ck:

HAHAHHAHA

>> Isolation Chamber <<

LostTheBraincell:

LET ME OUT

LET ME OUT

LET ME OUT

LostTheBraincell:

[Voice note]

[Illegible screaming]

LostTheBraincell:

[Voice note]

[“LET ME OUT!” Mikey is screaming in varying tones, too close to the microphone so it sounds very distorted. It is repeated over and over before cutting off abruptly]

LostTheBraincell:

LET ME OUT

LET ME OUT

LET ME OUT

LET ME OUT

LET ME OUT

LET ME OUT

LET ME OUT

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Michelangelo Splinterson of UNIVERSE_03, you have been brought to trial to defend your honour and appeal your sentence of 120 minutes in the Isolation Chamber.

You will have 30 seconds to argue your case to the Council of the Dons, where you will be judged on the strength of your argument, philosophy and flair. You can do this in any way you please.

If we deem your argument respectable, we will release you from the Isolation Chamber, where you will be able to join all chats once more.

HasTheBraincell:

The third Donatello of this council is unfortunately busy, so we shall be the only two member of the Council of Dons that you will argue with today.

You have thirty seconds.

The floor is yours.

LostTheBraincell:

[Photo ID: a very zoomed in picture of Klunk’s face, so only her eyes and muzzle are visible. Her eyes are dilated, looking straight at the camera. The image is a little blurred at the edges.]

cat

Bootyyyshaker9000:

He has me convinced

>>Council of the Dons<<

Bootyyyshaker9000:

I released your brother @HasTheBraincell

He was very convincing

Master manipulator

HasTheBraincell:

He said one word

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Very convincing indeed

@I_Crave_Chemicals are you free yet? You haven’t told us you favourite dinosaur yet or your favourite fungi and I’m curious

HasTheBraincell:

Don’t nag him! I’m sure he’s just busy fixing that toaster.

Bootyyyshaker9000:

@I_Crave_Chemicals

@I_Crave_Chemicals

Dinosaur?

HasTheBraincell:

You’re a fiend

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Can’t talk right now, sorry

Gotta fix things for the guys

Bootyyyshaker9000:

You’re always busy doing boring stuff like fixing toasters

I think we all know that we fixed a toaster before we could walk

HasTheBraincell:

I don’t mean to pry, but Purple does have a point. I did notice that your brothers were quite…nagging when asking about you fixing things?

Really, if you aren’t comfortable in talking about it that’s perfectly fine, but it seemed they were quite rude when you spent so long helping us code this chat more

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Do you even get free time for your own things??

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Everything is perfectly fine, thank you

I simply wasn’t fast enough in repairs for the day. My brothers were only frustrated because I always have the solution for them, that’s how it is.

@Bootyyyshaker9000 I’m far to busy keeping the lair up and running to do my own stuff

HasTheBraincell:

My brothers are respectful of my wishes, if they break something they will ask but it’s not a necessity

They understand that I like to do my own little projects that I do get overly carried away with sometimes

I didn’t mean for that to sound critical of your brothers! I just wanted to share my perspective :)

Bootyyyshaker9000:

f*ck your brothers

Just stop fixing things for them

It’s not down to you to always have the answers, or have set time limits to make things

Kitchen appliances are so…primitive. You must be losing your mind

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Everything is fine. It’s how it’s always been.

Gotta use this brain for something useful

I need to get back to work

HasTheBraincell:

Ah. I see.

It is not in our right to pry into your personal life, I understand

Bootyyyshaker9000:

I don’t

HasTheBraincell:

Yeah I expected that.

Bootyyyshaker9000:

I stopped fixing things for mg brothers one day and you know what happened? They were more careful in the future. And personally I have never had one of them complain of not being fast enough, or not having the answers

Your brothers sound like dicks

HasTheBraincell:

Purple! That’s enough

I_Crave_Chemicals:

I’d rather not talk about this, actually

Subject change?

Bootyyyshaker9000:

No

HasTheBraincell:

Yes.

Favourite dinosaur?

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Stegosaurus. Simple, but fascinating.

HasTheBraincell:

I love them! I have a few facts about them actually!

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Let’s compare notes

I should have time for this, this is important

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Dinosaurs always are, my fellow intellectual

Chapter 3: Science Experiments

Chapter Text

>> Teenage Mutant Ninja Teetles <<

~~Electro~~:

[Video ID: A livestream is running that displays 2012 Mikey spinning around in a circle in his room. He is directly facing the ground with his arms spread out, slowly getting faster. The live stream is titled “spinning around in a circle until I die, not clickbait”. A quick dubstep beat is playing in the background, and there are a few alternating flashing lights (red, blue and green) that switch in time to the beat. Other than the music, there is no other sound.]

WantsTheBraincell:

Is he…okay?

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Don’t worry he’s been doing this for an hour and a half.

If he was going to pass out he would have done so near the start.

Do you want to join in the betting pool?

WantsTheBraincell:

I’m sorry what

Bootyyyclapper9000:

I bet threee hours

Red:

Blue

Purple

What did we say about underage gambling with strangers

HasTheBraincell:

Hush, I need to concentrate on the live stream.

This is medically fascinating! Though I do also want to tell him to stop.

AteTheBraincell:

isnt the mikey group chat or whateva meant for this sh*t

~MagicMike~:

the live stream of the amazing mikey chat is currently on Klunk Watch!

[Video ID: screen recording of the mikey chat. It is only a few seconds, but you can see that there is a screen at the top which is currently just 2003 Mikey’s cat, Klunk, sleeping on her back with her legs in the air. You can see a few lines of the chat going on underneath, but all it reads is “PRIASE TO THE ALL-MIGHTY GODDESS” from various users.]

AteTheBraincell:

f*ckin hell its actually a cult

~~Electro~~:

[Video ID: the live stream is continuing, but in the background you can see 2012 Raph walk into Mikey’s room with a confused expression. It looks like he has just woken up; he has no mask or gear, and his eyes are squinted. His beak wrinkles as he watches Mikey silently spinning with his arms out, and he then looks at the camera mouthing “what the f*ck?”.

Mikey notably is spinning faster now.

There is a pause, and Raph leaves. You can hear him call for Leo in the background.]

Bootyyyclapper9000:

oh f*ck hes taking off!!! hes goiin toi fast!!!1!!1

f*ck:

Ok whats goin on here????

And @~MagicMike~ wtf happened to your name wasnt it different before

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Science, dear alternate brethren. SCIENCE!

LostTheBraincell:

Waiting to see how long it takes until he goes into orbit

Gods speed little me

Bootyyyshaker9000:

@f*ck the author made a mistake last chapter and wrote Orange’s username wrong, no problem.

It has been corrected, right?

f*ck:

What the f*ck was that answer???

WantsTheBraincell:

I think Electro is going to pass out

CaptainLeo:

What

What is this?

I_Crave_Chemicals:

I woke up to this.

LostTheBraincell:

No no

Hes gaining acceleration

Bootyyyclapper9000:

Heyyy why cantt the leochat have a cat livestresm??

WantsTheBraincell:

I’ll tell you a secret

I don’t like cats

~MagicMike~:

Mikey chat only, sorry! You aren’t cool enough for our mad skills!

LostTheBraincell:

@WantsTheBraincell ASUSYAGUUUUHH???????

Not

Not

Klunkers??

HasTheBraincell:

You’re going to make him cry

WantsTheBraincell:

Klunk is the one exception

Despite the amount of cats you keep trying to smuggle in

AteTheBraincell:

I found a fat old cat on my bed yesterday

~~Electro~~:

[Video ID: Mikey suddenly picks up speed, going so fast he’s just a blur.]

Bootyyyclapper9000:

OH MY GOD

HES TAKINg OFF!!!

AteTheBraincell:

Why am I so entertained by this

LostTheBraincell:

Stupid turtles like stupid sh*t

WantsTheBraincell:

Someone please stop him

This is only going to end in disaster

I_Crave_Chemicals:

I tried to a little earlier but he’s in the zone.

Right now I’m on a junkyard run, I heard that a new tech company has dumped their much more updated technology and hardware here and I couldn’t resist!

Bootyyyshaker9000:

@I_Crave_Chemicals oh sweet pineapple on a pizza I am drooling just hearing about that!!!

You must send us more details in the Council, immediately!

In other news I have measured @~~Electro’s speed and he is now faster than what I thought was possible.

HasTheBraincell:

@I_Crave_Chemicals I’m so happy for you! I do recommend taking a peak around some private companies, they somethings have great stuff that they let go to waste in warehouses :)

Red:

I feel like @~~Electro~~ needs to be restrained for his own safety

~~Electro~~:

[Video ID: Mikey suddenly jumps, flapping his arms, but then crashes to the ground so hard that the camera shakes. A large pile of pizza boxes clatter on top of him, and some action figures fall off the shelves. Mikey doesn’t get up]

Bootyyyclapper9000:

OH NOOOOOOO

LostTheBraincell:

A mikey has been snatched from us today

A worthy sacrifice

~MagicMike~:

Preach

AteTheBraincell:

That was a loud bang, holy sh*t

f*ck:

hopefully he’ll stay knocked out for a few hours

~~Electro~~:

[Video ID: 2012 Leo walks into the room, stepping over the pizza boxes. He crouches, prodding Mikey a few times but receives no response. He stands, walking over to the camera.

“He knocked himself out.” Leo explains. He says it huffily, but there is a fond amusem*nt in his eyes as he elaborates. “Nothing serious though. He should wake up soon.”

He reaches towards the camera and shuts off the live stream.]

HasTheBraincell:

Like Icarus, he flew too close to the sun.

~MagicMike~:

He was a good one

Forever missed

Forever cherished

LostTheBraincell:

Aw right, my turn!

WantsTheBraincell:

NO

Red:

That goes for you too orange

Raph dont want to deal with another “milkshake of 2010” incident thanks

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Ugh don’t remind me

Bootyyyclapper9000:

*Ptsd flasjbasks*

Red:

Blue take a nap

Your typin is way worse today which always means youre tired

Bootyyyclapper9000:

noope

practoice

AteTheBraincell:

Why did I just find a small plastic baby at the bottom of my drink

I almost choked on that sh*t wtf

Red:

blue :(

f*ck:

@AteTheBraincell

Wtf

HasTheBraincell:

A what??

I_Crave_Chemicals:

That’s…mildly concerning

WantsTheBraincell:

I found one staring at me in the shower today

Someone put it on the shower head

LostTheBraincell:

Nope, dont know what youre taking about

CaptainLeo:

Donnie you’re at the junkyard? I told you to stay in the lair, not go and look for more clutter in your lab

f*ck:

@WantsTheBraincell WHAT

~MagicMike~:

They always are watching (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶) <3

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Well excuse me Leo if I wanted to get some stuff for my own projects

My lab isn’t full of clutter, it’s my tech

It’s important to me, thanks

Bootyyyclapper9000:

@Red you have a wau withh wordfs, fine

bvut can i fight 12 leo firs?

AteTheBraincell:

@LostTheBraincell if I see another plastic baby Im gonna to shove it so far up your ass it will come out your mouth

WantsTheBraincell:

Raph! Not in the group chat at least

LostTheBraincell:

Animal abuse

Bootyyyshaker9000:

@I_Crave_Chemicals bite your Leo for me pretty please

CaptainLeo:

No offence donnie but your stuff doesn’t exactly work much

I need you to treat Mikey’s injury and fix the door he broke instead of running off to some junkyard for stuff that is going to eventually blow up in our faces

f*ck:

The day your stuff actually works properly is the day Mikey gets a brain, Dee

Just come back and get Mikeys head fixed before he gives himself a bigger concussion

HasTheBraincell:

I can’t help but feel this is a little malicious, actually.

Science is nothing without error. And I can tell you how to treat a head wound, and any of my brothers! There’s no need to get your Donnie, we can help if that’s what you’re worried about :)

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Oh you did not just say that @f*ck @CaptainLeo

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Well maybe if I got the chance to do more of my own thing I could learn to improve! And that’s starts by getting tech that isn’t just scraps from microwaves and fridges!!

And my tech does work

I will make it work

I know I can

Can we please take this argument away from our alternates??

HasTheBraincell:

I think an emergency distraction is needed

@LostTheBraincell

f*ck:

wait what did I say wrong?? just a bit of teasing damn

LostTheBraincell:

One time when I was a toddler I shoved a barbie shoe up my nostril

And it hasn’t come out since

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Excuse me

What the f*ck

How does that even happen??

Distraction is very successful.

Bootyyyclapper9000:

HhahahHAHAAAAAHHAHAHAHAHA

AteTheBraincell:

f*ckin hell I forgot about that

LostTheBraincell:

Sometimes I get a good whiff of plastic

HasTheBraincell:

Quite ironic considering you have the best sense of smell out of all of us

Red:

Wait really?? Our Donnie does, but that’s because of his snoot

LostTheBraincell:

His snoot

~MagicMike~:

Did you not just blow your nose to get it out even once

Damn

~~Electro~~:

bet it would taste great

LostTheBraincell:

YOU LIVE

Bootyyyclapper9000:

Yippeeeee

~MagicMike~:

Leo goddamnbit get to bed

Or I’ll make you

Bootyyyclapper9000:

yessir

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Okay who brought up my snoot

~MagicMike~:

[Photo ID: a close up of Donnie’s snout. It appears Donnie is sleeping at the time the picture was taken, his tongue in a slight blep]

*sniff sniff sniff*

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Blackmail

Ableism

Red:

Awww lets frame that one

~~Electro~~:

AWWW SNOOT

LostTheBraincell:

he’s blepping

He’s blepping

Bootyyyshaker9000:

I’m going to murder you all in various creative ways that involve nuclear warfare

>> Council of the Dons <<

Bootyyyshaker9000:

@I_Crave_Chemicals

@I_Crave_Chemicals

@I_Crave_Chemiclas

HasTheBraincell:

What have I said about spamming?

Bootyyyshaker9000:

I have the free will to not listen

@I_Crave_Chemicals

HasTheBraincell:

I hate arguing with myself, I always win

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Ugh sorry you had to see that

Thankfully Leo stopped in the group chat

Bootyyyshaker9000:

I really hope you bit your brother

HasTheBraincell:

Your soft shell genes really shine through

In all seriousness, are you okay Dee? I think, at the very least, your Raph was supposed to be teasing but it didn’t seem very light hearted to me. Do you need to talk?

I_Crave_Chemicals:

No offence but just because you’re my alternates doesn’t mean I’m going to start spilling my guts to you

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Completely understandable.

What we refer to is just what the hell happened there. That I do want to know badly.

I_Crave_Chemicals:

It is kinda what it says on the tin, really

Bootyyshaker9000:

Sorry but you are going to have to elaborate a little because I couldn’t read much of the emotions in that little spat too well.

I_Crave_Chemcials:

Ah. Yes.

What Raph said is his usual teasing. That is what I’m used to. Leo was a little more brash than usual but he does raise good points.

HasTheBraincell:

No, I don’t think he did.

Experiments are not experimental if they don’t fail.

You cannot be a genius, only a student, if you follow the rules and don’t try anything completely new! I’ve had my fair share of explosions!

I think it was unfair of your Leo to say such things with a lack of understanding.

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Please tell me you got the tech???

I_Crave_Chemicals:

It pissed him off but yes, I got so much good stuff so it’s worth it, honestly.

The amount of stuff I can do with new tech is honestly baffling me

So many ideas

HasTheBraincell:

Oh! Face call! Then we could all brainstorm!

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Be prepared for the biggest info dumps ever if that is the case, fellow Donatellos.

I_Crave_Chemicals:

I’m supposed to be fixing some new kind of alien tech that the purple dragons have been using lately, sorry.

Even though I don’t know how it works, but apparently I have to figure it out in under an hour before our next patrol!

Sorry

That rant was a little uncalled for

HasTheBraincell:

That seems a little unfair, actually

Bootyyyshaker9000:

A little???

You know what would be a smarter idea?

We work on it together?

HasTheBraincell:

Yes!

I’m actually very curious about this tech you’re talking about. I wonder whether it’s similar to something in my universe!

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Sweet Galileo, yore right!

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Wait…work on it together?

I had never thought of that.

HasTheBraincell:

Three heads are better than one, right?

I_Crave_Chemicals:

I

Yeah. That would actually be really helpful.

Though I will be asking questions about your worlds myself! I know it can be kind of annoying but I must know!

HasTheBraincell:

Nonsense! No question is annoying!

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Couldn’t have said that better myself. Questions are a delight to answer.

I actually like it when my brothers ask me things because it shows they are actually curious, which is always encouraged!

HasTheBraincell:

Younger brothers?

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Yep, younger brother. Mikey seems to be very curious across all multiverses so far.

I_Crave_Chemicals:

My mikey actually does that a lot but I get him out of my lab asap.

He tends to move my stuff, which I don’t like. Either that or touch things that really shouldn’t be touched.

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Tell me about it, scoff.

Orange did that all the time until I set up a small area that he could sit in and still watch what I was doing/ask questions. The ADHD brain really makes him a danger magnet, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. He’s a very fun lab assistant.

HasTheBraincell:

My Mikey gives me too many tempting, dangerous ideas I can’t help but test! We have to get split up if we are together for over an hour.

He’s a bad influence -_-

I_Crave_Chemicals:

ADHD? I must admit it hasn’t occurred to me that Mikey could have that, but thinking on it…

Change of subject! I have 45 minutes to figure out how this gun generates shock waves seconds apart from each other without any notable battery or power source, would you like to see me dissect it!

Bootyyyshaker9000:

YES PLEASE

HasTheBraincell:

That would be wonderful! Yes yes yes!

>> Teenage Mutant Ninja Teetles <<

WantsTheBraincell:

[Photo ID: small plastic babies are in the centre of a tray of ice cubes that Leonardo is holding. There is at least one baby in each cube.]

Okay what the actual f*ck

Chapter 4: Light Out

Chapter Text

>> Cult of the Michelangelo <<

LostTheBraincell:

[Photo ID: a slightly blurred hand holding at least a dozen small, plastic babies.]

Look what I have acquired, my children

~~Electro~~:

father micheal

i need to know how to get those

~MagicMike~:

How many do you have??

LostTheBraincell:

Do not doubt your father, the eldest of The Three

~MagicMike~:

Hail father Micheal

~~Electro~~:

hail father micheal

~MagicMike~:

Can we see more of Klunk again?

Please pretty please????!!?

~~Electro~~:

Imma crawl through the screen to give her a nice scratch!!!!

though ick would be sad :(

~MagicMike~:

Ick??

LostTheBraincell:

[Photo ID: a selfie shot of Michelangelo, who has Klunk sleeping on his plastron. You can see hairline cracks across the plastron in the centre, but they look like an older injury. His bottom half is bundled in a knitted blanket, decorated in light blue, white, purple and light pink stripes.]

Praise be to Klunkers

Wait I must know what is this ick you speak of

~MagicMike~:

AWWWWW SHES SO CUTE

Praise be to klunkers

~~Electro~~:

priase be to klunkers

hang on ill get a pic of ice cream kitty after I sneak outta dees lab

~MagicMike~:

What happened to your shell @LostTheBraincell ? Is it okay?

Lol that was probably a little too personal –

LostTheBraincell:

Nah we are all Michelangelo here

We share our battle wounds

I was fighting in the nexus against this ugly f*cker named Kluh or something and he

Yeah well he kinda punched there

And kept going at it

I beat him though because I’m that awesome

~~Electro~~:

you look 30 lol

old man turtle

LostTheBraincell:

Do not disrespect your lord father Micheal

~~Electro~~:

ughhahahh I’m sorry father Micheal

please dont take me out of The Cult

I bring offerings

[Photo ID: a picture of a ice cream cat in a cooler box. Mikey is petting her head. In the background, you can see a stack of comic books that look close to toppling over.]

~MagicMike~:

IS THAT A CAT MADE OUT OF ICE CREAAM????

OH MI GOSH OH MI GOSH

LostTheBraincell:

Awwwwwwwwe look at her little face I wanna just pet her all day awwwwwww

Offering accepted!!!

You may have a fist pump

[Photo ID: a close up of Michelangelo’s closed fist, heading for the camera.]

~~Electro~~:

[Photo ID: a close up of Mikey’s closed fist, supposedly meeting Michelangelo’s through the camera.]

sweet

LostTheBraincell:

Ah f*ck Klunk is trying to eat the plastic babies

Can’t tell her about their divine purpose

Yesterday I was telling her about the inevitability of death and how it influences our actions but she just nibbled my finger so I don’t think it got through

~MagicMike~:

I wish I had a cat :(

I will worship the goddess klunk instead until I get a Klunk of my own

LostTheBraincell:

Pray to the mighty Klunk

Behold her enteral beauty and wisdom

~MagicMike~:

BEHOLD

BEHOLD

PRAISE BE

~~Electro~~:

PRAISE BE

PRAISE BE

>> Gonna slice a bitch for the funnies <<

WantsTheBraincell:

Who changed the chat name again

I liked the old one better

Bootyyyclapper9000:

comme on

i spent agess typinb that out

funnyyyyyy

WantsTheBraincell:

I can’t tell whether you are high on meds, sleep deprived or completely unhinged anyway

Bootyyyclapper9000:

I take the complimentt

WantsTheBraincell:

Are you here for the group meditation too?

Hope so

I got my tea ready and everything

Bootyyyclapper9000:

Yeahh

Could use a feww hiurs of peace

WantsTheBraincell:

I found another one of those creepy babies on my candles

I am going to strangle mikey I swear

It’s like he constantly wants to piss everyone off and then has the audacity to laugh

Bootyyyclapper9000:

i think i like him

My kind ofd turtle

WantsTheBraincell:

He’s a demon

CaptainLeo:

Want me to host?

Gimme a few minutes I need to finish this episode of space heros before I die

WantsTheBraincell:

Good to know we all are science fiction fans across multiverses

And yes, we don’t mind waiting

Bootyyyclapper9000:

I do

WantsTheBraincell:

Hush, you

Bootyyyclapper9000:

Cant believe alk leos r borinf but me

Not clikbaiut

*Clickbaoy

*clickvait

f*ck

WantsTheBraincell:

Are you okay?

Usually when my don types like that it means he’s two seconds from passing out

Bootyyyclapper9000:

yeah just hard witg one armm

practicr

WantsTheBraincell:

You lost your arm? I’m sorry to hear that

I think I can help though

Let me just check

Bootyyyclapper9000:

???

CaptainLeo:

Okay is it just fate for a Leo to get horribly injured in some way

First it was what Leonado told us now this

It must be some kind of constant that Dee what muttering about

Was it a window

Bootyyyclapper9000:

lol

i mean a giant hole to a prison dimensionn coints as a BIG windiw right??

CaptainLeo:

f*cking hell

Bootyyyclapper9000:

big oopsie

CaptainLeo:

Please tell me you didn’t refer to getting thrown through a prison dimension as a “big oopsie”

WantsTheBraincell:

What am I reading

I leave for a minute

@Bootyyyclapper9000

My mikey also has one arm and he struggled a lot at the start with writing and texting

He wants to help teach you some tricks if you would like

Bootyyyclapper9000:

reallly????

Your mike lostt his arm??

If that wasd my mikey I dont evrn know what id do to copee

CaptainLeo:

When did it happen?

WantsTheBraincell:

A couple of years back

I don’t know what happened, Don was the only one there when it…well

Do me a favor and don’t talk about it in front of my Don, it is a rough subject for him for a lot of reasons

Bootyyyclapper9000:

Tell yourr mikey thanks x1000

thats f*cking wild

thank u

WantsTheBraincell:

It’s no problem :)

Just promise you and my mikey won’t scheme anything dangerous/mischievous

I feel like you two are a bad combo

Bootyyyclapper9000:

>:)

CaptainLeo:

What have you done

WantsTheBraincell:

I’m sorry

>>Teenage Mutant Ninja Teetles<<

HasTheBraincell:

Ok I have an idea

A sleepover video call?

LostTheBraincell:

Eh?

~MagicMike~:

Oooh that sounds fun!

So like, lights out video call? Together??

Bootyyyshaker9000:

It would be a good way to test the capacities of the video call and also encourage our alternates to have a decent sleep for once

WantsTheBraincell:

What do you mean my sleep schedule is elite

AteTheBraincell:

You were making tea at three in the morning last night

You looked possessed

WantsTheBraincell:

I was thirsty :(

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Well, seeing as all of us (or at least most of us) are online I would say that a sleepover of sorts would be a good idea.

Like Purple said, it would be great to check the video call with all members at once!

Bootyyyclapper9000:

so like

a rave

just a video calk in the dark???1

f*ck:

sounds like f*ckin chaos

im in

CaptainLeo:

I would try and object to the sleep schedule comments but like

I saw mikey doing handstands whilst eating pizza at two in the morning

~~Electro~~:

goddamn

stop callin me out bro

pizza nice tho

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Is everyone in? It’s almost midnight now

LostTheBraincell:

I am sure nothing will go wrong ever

No sir

HasTheBraincell:

Mikey if you start misbehaving whilst people are trying to sleep I will seal the door shut with you inside :)

LostTheBraincell:

Sorry bro your threats don’t work when I saw you humming klunk to sleep yesterday

AteTheBraincell:

This isn’t gonna work

LostTheBraincell:

Oh I’m counting on that

~MagicMike~:

This will be so cool!!!

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Opening up the vc now!

Red:

Honestly Raph could use some white noise

Sleep ain’t comin easy

AteTheBraincell:

Oh I’m sure there will be noise alright

>>VIDEO CHAT – Teetles Talking<<

[Voice chat loading]

[Connection secured]

[Loading participants]

A single box blinks onto the screen. At first, nothing can be seen due to the lights apparently being off in the room, but then a pair of white eyes blink in the darkness.

“Okay! Everything is running smoothly so far!” A light voice hums. At the bottom of their icon, their username reads HasTheBraincell.

“Before I let everyone in, I think I’m going to come up with a name system so we don’t all get…well, mixed up.” Donatello chuckles and shuffles closer to the screen. With the light from the computer, you can now see some features of his face. He is smiling, face exposed without the signature purple mask on his face.

“Wow, feels a little weird talking to myself…” he mumbles, then claps his hands once. “So – since me and my siblings (universe 03) are the oldest, I thought we use our full names. For universe 12, I thought they could use the nicknames, or abbreviated names – like Mikey, or Leo rather than Michelangelo or Leonardo. And the universe 18 brothers can use their colours, seeing as they use those anyway in the main chat.” Donatello taps a few times on his keyboard. In the distance, you can hear a yell from Michelangelo in excitement. Donatello chuckles fondly.

“Okay. Establishing full connection in three, two, one –“

Donatello presses a button and suddenly a few more screens blink into life. All of them are in darkness, their lights also completely off.

“Helloooo…” Michelangelo says loudly. Another screen blinks next to his.

“Why are your eyes so goddamn freaky?” Blue splutters. He leans close onto the screen so you can see his confused face. “Like, I can just see some white dots in darkness and it’s a little –“

“Play nice, Blue.” Red says from the screen next to him. He is the most illuminated by the light of his screen, though half his body fades into darkness.

“One arm buddy!” Michelangelo crows. He shoves his arm stump so it’s the only thing that can be seen in the camera. “Gimme some!”

“Aww yeah!” Blue matches the action.

Another screen pops onto the screen. Blue screams as you can only see two red eyes in the darkness.

“What the f*ck –“ he rocks off his chair and shakes the camera when he hits the ground.

“Excuse me?” Donnie’s annoyed voice cuts through the yell.

“And you thought our eyes were creepy.” Michelangelo points out. He then, knowing that you can only see his white eyes, starts moving rapidly across the screen with ghostly noises.

“This is supposed to be a quiet session –“ Donatello tries to remind them, but is interrupted when Raphael joins the call. Blue splutters with laughter.

Raphael has pressed himself so close the screen that you can only see his mouth in the blue light.

“Is this thing on?” His voice is distorted from being so close to the microphone. He is notably grinning.

“Raphael, I know you know how to work that thing –“ Donatello warns. Three more users join the call – the rest of the universe 2012.

Mikey immediately starts beatboxing into the mic, though you can’t see anything on his screen but blackness. Leo’s screen remains calm, but Raph’s screen is lit so you can only see a bowl of cereal that he is eating, seemingly suspended in midair.

“‘Sup.” Raph says, chewing loudly. “I heard we were supposed to be quiet so I brought the loudest food I could find.”

Mikey’s beatboxing gets louder. Blue joins in.

Red grumbles, shoving a blanket over his head.

“You’re huge!” Michelangelo cries out to Red when he moves. “Holy sh*t, can you give me a piggyback?”

Finally, the Purple and Orange arrive, leaving Leonardo the only one out of the call. Purple is unseen with the lights out, but Orange is literally glowing, his patches and cracked arms radiating a bright yellow light.

“Orange, what the –“ Leo begins.

“Dude, you’re like a lava lamp!” Mikey stops beatboxing. Orange giggles and begins to dance to a beat playing in his room. The yellow glow blurs as he moves.

Michelangelo and Mikey cheer at the dancing. Donatello sighs.

“Guys –“

Raphael screams into the microphone.

“Hey Leonardo! Leonardo! Do the thing!” Michelangelo’s eyes jump up and down on the screen. Something clatters in his room. “Come ooon!”

The final screen pops into the call. At first, there is just darkness, but then a Cheshire Cat like grin illuminates suddenly, seeping out of the shadows.

Blue screams and his camera is knocked down at the appearance. Mikey also yelps and Raph curses loudly.

Leonardo fades back into the darkness, chuckling.

“And that, my alternate bros, is my dear brother Leonardo, with an S-class in freaking people out when it’s dark!” Michelangelo laughs. “You should’ve seen Casey’s face –“

“Guys, this is supposed to be quiet and relaxing – “ Donatello interrupts. But Raphael cackles into his microphone then smacks his beak loudly. Blue and Purple start beatboxing again and Orange speeds up his dancing.

A plastic baby suddenly illuminates on Michelangelo’s screen and starts waving around in beat to Orange’s music. Red grumbles again, opening a tired eye in irritation.

Raphael bites into his microphone and makes as many loud noises as he physically can.

“I’m sorry, he gets a little feral in the dark.” Donatello tries to explain. “If he would kindly shut up for one second –“

“Yeah, I wanna eat my cereal in peace!” Raph says. On his screen, a third arm becomes visible in the darkness, lighter in skin tone. The rest of its body fades into the blackness, so it looks like he has three arms.

“Wait, you got three arms?! You stole mine!” Blue yells out. Raph shrugs.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about.” Two of his arms hold the cereal bowl, and the third is lightly slapping his cheek. “This is normal.”

At the bottom of his screen, you can see Leo briefly raise his head before ducking it back behind some furniture.

“Do you wanna hear a song? I have loads of good songs!” Michelangelo loudly starts to sing Barbie Girl again.

“I’m going to deafen myself.” Donnie mutters. “I’m going to dunk my head in some water for a few hours. I’m going to run away to Florida –“

“Do it, coward.” Blue’s screen challenges, but the voice is different. More flat.

“Did you just swap places with Purple?” Donnie squints forward.

“Whatever do you mean? I am the bimbo known as Blue, yes.” Purple tries to persuade.

“Science science science, science, science – “ Blue says from Purple’s screen, whacking things with a hammer. “I’m a nerd, watch –“

Something explodes.

“Oops.”

Orange is still dancing, and has turned the volume up on his song to try and drown out Michelangelo’s off-key singing. The box turtle is glowing more than before.

Michelangelo suddenly screams and multiple crashes sound from his screen.

“Leonardo, you son of a bitch!” Michelangelo lunges for a figure in the darkness. “How long were you leering over me for, you asswipe –“

Raphael is cackling on the microphone again, louder. Red is trying to knock himself out on the table he is resting his head on.

“Stop growing arms!” Blue yells, outraged. On Raph’s screen, an extra arm is trying to open a comic book on his desk. Randomly, another one appears out of the darkness, lighter in tone and freckled. You still can’t see anything else on the screen.

“I’ve always had this many arms. Get better.” Raph taunts. One of the arms grabs the spoon and tries to shove it in his mouth. Another one raises the middle finger the best it can.

“I don’t suppose anyone has any uranium?” Purple’s voice, distorted from being close to the microphone all of a sudden, asks from the gloom. He is now back in his own room again.

“Don, tell Leo to stop scaring me!” Michelangelo whines. “I have children to take care of!”

He holds his hand to the screen, showing five plastic babies cradled in his hands.

“Could we please quiet down –“ Donatello tries to calm the increasing loudness of the call. Donnie leans forward again, his red eyes growing brighter.

“I don’t know if I have uranium any on me, but hacking into military records should easily –“

“You’re lying! You can’t have six arms! At least give me and Michelangelo one!” Blue says.

“Tell me how to glow like Orange.” Raph says. Two arms, one freckled and one darker green and scarred, have joined together and are doing some makeshift wave, linking fingers and rippling up and down. Another freckled arm is grabbing a handful of soggy cereal and trying to feed to to Raph. One of Raph’s own arms slaps it away and he kicks his leg. A yelp of pain follows.

“Cut that out, arm. Or I’ll saw your off.” He threatens. The arm strokes his face.

Orange is still dancing. Red is trying to sleep. In the background, you can see a beam of light as a door opens from behind him. Purple’s silhouette is in the doorway, poking his snout into the room.

Michelangelo, meanwhile, has grabbed Klunk and has shoved her close to the camera. Her nose is only in the frame. He is making high pitched meowing sounds.

“Does anyone want to play uno?” Donnie asks. “No?”

Raphael screams into his microphone again. He then shoves his face close so his eye can only be seen, flicking the third eyelid on and off.

“What the f*ck –“ Blue cries out at the action. Raphael laughs loudly, leaning back.

“Raphael, watch out –“ Michelangelo yells out. Behind Raphael, two white eyes and a large grin fade out from the darkness around him. In a low, almost inaudible whisper, Leonardo whispers:

“Run.”

Raphael shrieks. The camera rocks and the signal is cut off.

“Oh man…” Donatello slaps his head against the desk. In the background, you can hear yells and bangs from behind the closed door.

Meanwhile, Purple can be seen sneaking into Red’s room. His eyes shine eerily in the darkness. With his teeth, he seems to be trying to pry a blanket from the top of Red’s mountain. In the doorway, Blue waves at the camera and starts dancing in tune with Orange’s beat. Red’s eye twitches.

“Hey!” Raph’s cereal is knocked from his hands by a stray arm. He growls.

“My arms better start running.” He says after a moment. There is a shriek and a flurry of movement, Leo and Mikey hurrying out from behind Raph and trying to make their way to the door. Raph cracks his neck and dives, tackling Leo to the ground.

On Leonardo’s screen, Raphael walks over and shuts the lights off after him.

“I am Leonardo now.” Is all he says. He presses his mouth close to the camera again. “Is this thing on?”

“Michelangelo –“ Donatello says, high pitched in panic. On Michelangelo’s screen, a small flame is growing on his desk, illuminating his face in an orange light. He looks up at the screen and grins.

“I’m just playing around!” Michelangelo drops one of the plastic babies into the fire after making it giggle and do a flip.

“You are seriously twisted.” Donnie says. His red eyes gleam. “I think I want to dissect you.”

Michelangelo cackles, the fire growing.

“Mikey, no more fires!” Donatello tries to tell him. “This is supposed to be a calm, healthy –“

Red springs up when Purple and Blue trip and fall onto him. A blanket still rests in Purple’s jaws.

“I said, be quiet!” Red hisses. “You have three seconds to run.”

Purple and Blue shriek as they run from Red’s room. Blue can be seen grabbing is camera, which turns out to be a phone. He runs, filming as he does so.

“Sanctuary! Sanctuary!” He huffs. The camera shakes as he runs.

Orange is still dancing when they burst into his room, slamming the door after him.

The fire on Michelangelo’s screen has grown vastly. The turtle is slamming his hand down on the desk as he throws more plastic babies in, chanting “the lambs” in Japanese. The flame sets off the fire alarm in the entire lair for the 03 universe. Orange, seeing this as a challenge, turns up the music until the screen is vibrating with the force of the sound waves’ vibrations.

“Michelangelo!” Donatello is about to race from his desk when he yells in alarm. Leonardo has sneaked up behind him and blown on his neck.

Donatello takes a deep breath. It seems like he is trying to keep his patience together, but fails. Instead, in a blink of an eye, he tackles Leonardo to the ground.

Raph’s screen is taken over by Mikey’s face. He keeps beatboxing, only stopping to duck when Leo is thrown at the screen.

“I’m thinking of moving to the artic. Maybe then I can sleep through all my problems.” Donnie talks to no one in particular, not even flinching when the fight is brought into his room.

Purple and Blue are crying as they dance next to Orange, eyeing the door warily.

“I flew too close to the sun!” Michelangelo suddenly cries out in alarm as the fire takes over his desk entirely. Raphael starts to mimic the fire alarm sound loudly into the microphone.

Unexpectedly, a new member joins the call. They don’t have a name or an icon.

They squint, their purple mask furrowing in confusion as they take in the chaos erupting onto the screen. They have a rounded face, with a defined beak and soft eyes.

“What the –“ the new turtle begins to say, but is cut off as all the screens are kicked from the call.

[Unknown user identified]

[System failure. Restart in progress]

Chapter 5: Breaking the Laws of Science and the Multiverse

Chapter Text

[Restart in progress]

[Loading participants]

[Server online]

>>Teenage Mutant Ninja Teetles<<

HasTheBraincell:

Okay what the heck???

Who was that?

What is going on?

Bootyyyshaker9000:

What happened? This tech is impossible to crash, how did it

Oh

It seems we have been invaded

~~Electro~~:

AYYOO????

NEW TURTLE FR??

Donatello:

Hello?

~~Electro~~:

*dies*

CaptainLeo:

Whoa whoa whoa.

The server has been offline for almost 24 hours and now there’s some other guy/turtle in here?

~MagicMike~:

I think I partied too hard :(

LostTheBraincell:

Hello alternate Don

Unless you arent Don but decided to have a username of Donatello

HasTheBraincell:

Please stop initiating contact with strangers

We don’t know who this is!!

AteTheBraincell:

@LostTheBraincell last time you spoke to a stranger for no reason you got kidnapped for three days

Stop

LostTheBraincell:

He offered candy :(

WantsTheBraincell:

@Donatello tell us who you are and how you got here. Immediately.

Red:

*please

Bootyyyclapper9000:

ass

>@Bootyyyclapper9000 has been put in The Isolation Chamber by @Bootyyyshaker9000 for 1237 hours <

LostTheBraincell:

NO! ARM BUDDY!

NOOOOO

He was so young

Bootyyyshaker9000:

He has a habit of being annoying at the worst times

Not ideal

LostTheBraincell:

Your face is not ideal

WAIT IM SORRY WAIT

>@LostTheBraincell has been put in The Isolation Chamber by @Bootyyyshaker9000 for 1400 hours <

f*ck:

i think i wanna form a coup

WantsTheBraincell:

Theres a stranger here

Can we please focus?

AteTheBraincell:

Mikey is gonna set the record for going in the isolation chamber

Not surprisin

f*ck:

Hes like older than most the turtles here how is he behaving like hes a 12 yr old on meth

HasTheBraincell:

@Donatello

I_Crave_Chemicals:

I’ve tracked the signal

Nothing

And I mean literally nothing

It’s like he popped up out of nowhere

f*ck:

Wtf

Donatello:

Youre telling me!

~~Electro~~:

HE SPEAKS

CaptainLeo:

What do you mean popped in

@I_Crave_Chemicals

AteTheBraincell:

[Voice note]

[The sound of rapid banging on a door, along with a voice whispering “Raph” over and over]

Hey someone let him in before he breaks in

~MagicMike~:

[Photo ID: a blurred image of Blue perched on top of Purple on a worn couch, trying to grab the softshell’s phone. Purple is mid-fighting back, Blue’s bandana tails in his mouth and snout curled into a snarl. You can see a silhouette of Red in the background, eyes narrowed in annoyance as he approaches them]

angry teetle

HasTheBraincell:

Wait is blue a slider? His markings are fascinating!

We’re actually yellow bellied sliders (I think) but most of our markings have gone unfortunately.

~MagicMike~:

AWWW

WantsTheBraincell:

Don

HasTheBraincell:

Apologies. Back to business!

@Donatello please send an explanation how you got here, who you are (with photo evidence) and your favourite dinosaur if you are indeed a fellow Donatello

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Are we skipping the part where he got here for no reason???

f*ck:

Wait is he

No

Donatello:

Um okay! I can do that though I am not too sure myself how this actually happened? Are you all alternate turtles here? It seems quite fun, I think I’m going to stay

I_Crave_Chemicals:

You can’t just decide that

You broke in

With no evidence

~~Electro~~:

can we keep him???

WantsTheBraincell:

You are all testing my patience

Donatello:

You need to take a chill pill, pal. Genius in articulation takes time.

AteTheBraincell:

Hes shoving plastic babies in my door

@WantsTheBraincell tell him to f*ck off

Bootyyyshaker9000:

I don’t believe him

Seems to be dodging questions

But genius does take patience, I think we can all agree there, as a fellow genius I would know

~MagicMike~:

I need to know what species @UNIVERSE_12 are now pls pls pls

Red:

what happen to blue?

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Don’t worry about it

WantsTheBraincell:

It’s like herding feral cats here

I hate it here

Kill me

HasTheBraincell:

Ignore him he’s just like that

Donatello:

Seems like a broody type.

I_Crave_Chemicals:

How did you get here

Donatello:

Rude. That’s more Raph’s thing.

You sound like him, and I’m not just talking about your shared voice actor

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Excuse me?

f*ck:

IT IS! ITS THE TURTLE POWER DUDES WE MET

~~Electro~~:

Yo fr?

>@HasTheBraincell has unlocked all chats for @LostTheBraincell, @Bootyyyclapper9000<

HasTheBraincell:

Play nice

LostTheBraincell:

I CAN BREATHE I CAN BREATHE

SWEET FREEDOM

@Donatello what is your favourite crime

@Donatello what do you like best on pizza

@Donatello are you really an alternate or Baxter stockman in a turtle suit

Bootyyyclapper9000:

let the dude speaak dam

oh ye

ass

Red:

are you high on pain meds again

HasTheBraincell:

I’m going to mute everyone unless they be quiet, thank you

AteTheBraincell:

That was the most polite telling of “shut the f*ck up” evr

LostTheBraincell:

no

can’t silence my questions

WantsTheBraincell:

Shut it

~~Electro~~:

*whispers* I think that’s ableist

f*ck:

dont shut me up puss*

I_Crave_Chemicals:

@Donatello

Donatello:

I got lost in the sound

I think this is chaos.

HasTheBraincell:

So how did you get here? And, if you are a Donatello, where are your brothers? If you don’t mind me asking.

Donatello:

Honestly I think I came here for the plot.

I was turning on the heater to see whether I had fixed it but instead of turning the heater on it made my computer light up and the next thing I know I’m staring at loads more turtles.

Who was the one that was on fire?

LostTheBraincell:

Me!

~~Electro~~:

Wait you turned on a random button and instead you were roped into a multiversal chat???

Wtf

I_Crave_Chemicals:

THAT’S NOT HOW SCIENCE WORKS

HasTheBraincell:

What?

f*ck:

Wtf

~MagicMike~:

Makes sense to me <3

Hi other bro!! Or sibling? Or sister??

Donatello:

I know, doesn’t make sense.

These things happen a lot. Like I said, plot contrivances.

And I’m a dude, and so are my bros.

Bootyyyshaker9000:

What do you mean it was by accident

How

Donatello:

Well I have been doing this multiverse shebang for a while. I created a gun and saved another multiverse from an overgrown cheese grater with a rage problem

AteTheBraincell:

Don’t tell me you are the lil squishy guys with the belt buckles

Please tell me no

WantsTheBraincell:

Wait, were you the group against our shredder? When we met Turtles Prime?

Donatello:

Yes!!! It’s good to meet you again!

Man, who would’ve thought huh? Small multiverse

~~Electro~~:

Wait you met them too??? Ughshaha

LostTheBraincell:

Hey I remember you! Where are the other little dudes?

f*ck:

f*ck

CaptainLeo:

Wait, seriously?

Red:

I dont think we ever met them unless purple was spyin on them

Which I hope not

Bootyyyshaker9000:

*laughs confidently* of course not!

Red:

You cant even lie ovr text

Donatello:

Gotta say some nice tech you got here.

Gotta tell the guys when they wake up for sure. Leo will be geeking out until the next decade for sure

I_Crave_Chemicals:

All this research

And you came here by accident

Donatello:

What can I say

WantsTheBraincell:

Could we have some pictures to confirm identity?

Donatello:

Right right right. Let me just

[Video Recording]

[The camera blurs and spins so it is facing Donatello. This Donatello has a curved beak and short stature, with a light purple mask and goggles over his head. Next to him, a heater is buzzing and a mound of blankets shifts.

“Hello, I am Donatello, nice to meet you all.” Donatello begins. He smiles as he pans the camera over to the mound of blankets. “And these are my brothers, though they’re a little out for the count at the moment. Mixing a broken heater and mid winter storms isn’t a great mix, let me tell you.”

Donatello’s hand grabs a sliced apple from a bowl that he has seemingly been preparing for a short while. He speaks as he moves over to the mound of blankets.

“I gotta say, this video tech is much better than ours. I’m jealous!” He pulls back the blanket a small fraction and waves the apple slice in front of it. “My lab is heated separately you see, and I didn’t realise the heater had broken over night because I fell asleep after trying to create a shrink ray again. So the guys have…well, started hibernation a little early until I fix it up!”

There is a chirp from the blankets, and a beak is suddenly thrust out. It sniffs the air, searching for the apple slice. Another one emerges from the blankets and bonks the other beak, causing angry chirping from both sides.

“Aw come on guys! No fighting!” Donatello splits the apple in two and the beaks snap them up quickly. The camera blurs and the video ends.]

~MagicMike~:

wassup my fellow brumating boys

LostTheBraincell:

[Photo ID: a picture of 03 Leo staring at his phone softly]

I think you’ve won him over

Red:

Are you okay???

Donatello:

Thanks but we’re fine! I fixed the heater so they should be getting up soon

~~Electro~~:

Awwww

the angry chirps my god

can we do that??

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Wait, your brothers don’t chirp? Like, you know, turtles? Which is what we are?

AteTheBraincell:

Figures

They have freaky hands and feel too

f*ck:

u have a freaky face, f*ck boy

HasTheBraincell:

Wonderful alliteration wasted on a brash comeback

We’ve been chirping since we were tots, less so as adults. Only when something serious happens to us.

Bootyyyclapper9000:

i wanna join ur yutle pile so baaaafdd

Donatello:

I don’t know about when we were children, we kinda mutated as teenagers immediately. But we chirp do a bunch of “turtle stuff” I guess, it’s how it’s always been for us.

f*ck:

wait what

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Huh

How

What

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Wow, that’s a curveball

~~Electro~~:

wait so ur like 5??? how old are u wtf???

~MagicMike~:

I’m not the youngest

Finally

CaptainLeo:

I think I’ve had three heart attacks in three minutes

You’ve only spoken for less than half an hour

How

I

LostTheBraincell:

So like in theme parks can you go free cos kids can go free and your technically kids

Donatello:

Unfortunately no

We tried

Failed

Michelangelo remembers our time as turtles but no one else does.

LostTheBraincell:

Another Michelangelo win, yes

AteTheBraincell:

[Photo ID: two tiny plastic babies are taped to Raph’s sai.]

Who

How have you got working with you @LostTheBraincell cos you were in my room the entire time with me

HasTheBraincell:

[Video Recording]

[Don is giggling as he films Leo unsheathing his katana, only for three small plastic babies to spill out of the casing. He stares down at the floor for a moment, then sighs deeply]

I_Crave_Chemicals:

So far @Donatello has casually broken all previously established logic and I don’t know what to do with myself

~~Electro~~

@I_Crave_Chemicals out here having a mental breakdown whilst we talk about plastic babies and sleepy turtles

Red:

Ive learnt to stop questionin things

f*ck:

I like that plan

CaptainLeo:

Wait who was bullying our hands

And feet

~~Electro~~

Mm feet

>@~~Electro~~ has been put in The Isolation Chamber by @Bootyyyshaker9000 for “Until he learns to shut the f*ck up” <

~MagicMike~:

Another mikey taken

Bullying

Damn

LostTheBraincell:

*leans over and whispers* I think this place is corrupt

~MagicMike~:

*whispers back* me too, we fight for our voice

AteTheBraincell:

Shut up, both of you

Donatello:

We’ll have i passed the test? I’m not some clone or something, am I?

I think I could be, it’s happened before. But usually clones are evil, so I think I’m safe.

CaptainLeo:

Almost all of what you say is so far left I don’t know how to respond

Donatello:

Wait until you meet Raph

Bootyyyshaker9000:

On behalf of the Council of the Dons, I have decided that you may thrive with us fellow counterparts until further notice. You may invite your brothers and mingle.

Donatello:

Oh, that’s great! Michelangelo is going to love everything about this!

I_Crave_Chemicals:

I have so many questions

Donatello:

That’s nice. Don’t think I can answer them

LostTheBraincell:

Can I have an apple slice?? I want one

AteTheBraincell:

We lost apple slice privileges after you shoved one up Leos nostril because he wouldn’t give you his blueberries

HasTheBraincell:

Don’t remind me

WantsTheBraincell:

That’s why you’re never getting the brain cell back

~MagicMike~:

All this abuse

Donatello:

[Photo ID: a slightly shaky image of a sleepy Michelangelo beaming at the camera. His eyes are half open, one of them light blue and the other completely white, clearly blind in that eye. He looks out of it, almost falling back to sleep, swaddled in a huge blanket.]

Sorry? Michelangelo wanted to see a picture of himself on the improved camera. He likes it a lot already.

Expect random pictures of things from him, he’s a bit of a kleptomaniac.

WantsTheBraincell:

Can we trade Mikeys

I’m done with my one

I found a plastic baby impaled on my katana

And he set the lair on fire

LostTheBraincell:

You’re just jealous

Skill issue

WantsTheBraincell:

I’m selling you to the freak show

>@Donatello added 3 participants to the chat. Say hi!<

CaptainLeo:

Well tonight just got interesting

Chapter 6: The Plastic Baby Saga: Finale

Chapter Text

>> Isolation Chamber <<

~~Electro~~:

WHEN I WAS

A YOUNG BOY

MY FATHER

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Shut it I am talking, you demon

As I was saying, you have thirty seconds to

~~Electro~~:

TOOK ME TO THE CITY

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Did you just dare to interrupt me again? Interrupt the sacred Council?

You dare

~~Electro~~:

TO SEE A MARCHING BAND

Bootyyyshaker9000:

On behalf of the Council Of The Dons, I am keeping this psycho locked up until further notice. You cannot plead your case.

>> Teenage Mutant Ninja Teetles <<

Raphael:

Hnnhhdjka shsleeo gobway:(

LostTheBraincell:

Bless you

f*ck:

First into to my counterpart is like hes f*ckin drunk

Raphael:

:(

WantsTheBraincell:

@LostTheBraincell @HasTheBraincell

Why was there a plastic baby tied to the back of my mask tails

You ruined the platt

Where are you both

LostTheBraincell:

Teehee

WantsTheBraincell:

f*ck off

Leonardo:

No language :(

f*ck:

Booooooooooo

f*ck

Ass

Piss

Um

f*ck

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Living up to your namesake, I see

Now, I must ask questions about these teensy versions of ourselves

Silence

Donatello:

Sorry they’re all still waking up

Raphael hasn’t even got his eyes open he’s just smashing the keys of his phone

AteTheBraincell:

Fair enough

~MagicMike~:

I feel that lol

Waking up from brumating is horrible :(

Like I just wanna keep sleeping man

f*ck:

You guys f*ckin hibernat too???

Red:

It cozy

Warm

Bootyyyclapper9000:

Honk mimimimimi

HasTheBraincell:

We are fully cold blooded, so yes we hibernate when we get too cold

Me and Mikey once were in the snow for too long after messing around with a hunter and when we got back we kind of, um…

LostTheBraincell:

Ate sh*t

Running from a Miss Trunchbull looking ass and getting thrown in a deep freezer didn’t help

Red:

Run that back real quick?

LostTheBraincell:

Nah

Donatello:

Interesting

We obviously hibernate

~MagicMike~:

Turtle pile???

Donatello:

Obviously

Bootyyyshaker9000:

You are interrupting

Hush

@I_Crave_Chemicals hound these bite sized versions with me

Firstly, we will do the standard question – age order?

Raphael:

No u

Leonardo:

Who are these people

f*ck:

Well this is goin great

Mik:

ITS REAL! I DIDN’T HAVE A SUPER SPECTACULAR DREAM!

man you have no idea how pumped I am for seeing more of those multi things of ourselves

do any of you have pets????? I really like animals theyre my compadres of the surface world and I was wondering whether any of you dudes have any cute pet pals I could totally look at

what are your names? Wait thats kinda obvious

do any of you have a favourite pizza topping? I always say the best wayy to bond is through pizza yo

WantsTheBraincell:

That is…a wall of text if I’ve ever seen one

Let me just read

Bootyyyclapper9000:

mik

Skskskskskaakska

Leonardo:

Am k still sleep?

Where did the aplle slices go

Donatello:

[Video Recording]

Donatello is chuckling as he focuses the phone on Michelangelo. The younger turtle is flapping his hands at rapid rate, pacing back and fourth whilst happily grinning and chirping. He is also talking, fractured sentences that keep getting interrupted by another.

“I wanna know what comic books they have! Do you think we could –“ Michelangelo spots Donatello filming and grins, waving his hand.

“Tell the dudes I say hi! Can they see my doing a humunguso wave right now?” Michelangelo goes back to flapping his hands again. He trips over a blanket mound, which hisses at him.

[Video ends]

He’s very excited I can tell you. He’s about to take off!

f*ck:

Who was that f*ckin gremlin in the blankets???

WantsTheBraincell:

Why is there a plastic baby on my incense stick

Donatello:

@f*ck (did I do that right?) that was our Raphael, as polite as ever

You would think being the joint oldest would teach him something but no

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Wait joint oldest?

Twins with Leo? Fascinating

AteTheBraincell:

Ew gross

CaptainLeo:

WHEN I WAS

A YOUNG BOY

Bootyyyshaker9000:

GET OUT YOU DEMON

~MagicMike~:

WHEEZING LMAO

Leonardo:

Can someone please fill me in?

Donatello is just refusing to tell me :(

Donatello:

I’ve told you six times you just keep falling asleep

Raphael:

Shut up

Bootyyyclapper9000:

12 Leo??? U good????

f*ck:

HAHASKS

WantsTheBraincell:

The babies

They’re everywhere

How

CaptainLeo:

MY FATHER

Red:

Karaoke night?

LostTheBraincell:

Don can we pretty please have a karaoke night with all our alternates

WantsTheBraincell:

Where are you

I’m finding you

And your baby stash

This ends today

Donatello:

I hope you aren’t talking about real babies

Leonardo:

Wha happb

Mik

dude am I like the oldest at any point???

And yes I think kareoke would ROCK

Bootyyyclapper9000:

f*ck me

Mik

Im dyinnnnn

Raphael:

Oh fun, more alternates

This won’t get confusing

~MagicMike~:

He awakens

Raphael:

Ew child

~MagicMike~:

You are literally a toddler stfu

Leonardo:

Language

f*ck:

Why tho

Imma fight you

Bootyyyshaker9000:

I’m going to mute all of you istg

Leonardo:

Tv censorship :(

Mik:

My name js just way too many letters for me to even think of typing in a tich text bix

I gave up :(

HasTheBraincell:

Oh dear I think this is becoming a mess

Raphael:

There are way too many of us and more are coming

What do you expect, a medal?

Donatello:

Can I ask we have pictures of your guys?

I think I need to put faces to universes, you get what I’m trying to say here?

AteTheBraincell:

Whoever filed my entire f*ckING PUNCHBAG FULL OF PLASTIC f*ckING BABIES

its not funny

HOW

[Photo ID: a torn punch bag on the floor, with plastic babies spilling out of the hole]

WHST ID THIS

CaptainLeo:

I have dealt with my idiot brother

He took my phone I apologise

He has been jailed

Bootyyyshaker9000:

But of course! A fair trade, after all!

[Photo ID: Donnie’s face is mostly in the frame. He is grinning. Behind him, you can make out Mikey, Leo and Raph caught in some kind of oversized net in a forest. Donnie has a small amount of purple markings showing from underneath his bandana, his eyebrows now having a drawn slit in each of them. Leo can also be seen to have more markings, now with light yellow stripes on his throat. Barely visible, Mikey’s arms can be seen to be covered in white scars, up to his shoulders, colliding with the various spots that decorate his body. Raph easily overtakes them all, almost 8 foot.]

Bootyyyclapper9000:

Lmao blorbos Ra is a rayy og sunshine

Red:

What kind of picture is that Donnie????

Raphael:

Damn right im a ray of sunshine

~MagicMike~:

Blorbos <3

CaptainLeo:

When we first got this chat we did send pictures, we should probably pin them for next time

But here

[Photo ID: Leo and Donnie are smiling in the centre of the camera, the lair clearly a backdrop behind them. To the right, there is a green and red blur that is Raph, who is clearly mid-tackling someone to the ground. You can see a freckled, lighter hand at the bottom of the screen, which is the only evidence Mikey is in the frame.

Donnie is notably taller than the others, with few scars and singed mask tails. Raph is the smallest, a foot under Donnie, and has a prominent scar across his beak. Leo is the most scarred, the tallest besides Donnie, and has a arm and knee brace with a crutch leaning to the side. Mikey has stickers running up the arm you can see, and decorative plasters on his fingertips.]

f*ck:

Out of every photo

CaptainLeo:

Not my fault you and Mikey can’t stay still for any family photo

WantsTheBraincell:

[Photo ID: all four of the 03 turtles are sat around a table, a cake in the centre with candles and confetti. Donnie is grinning to the right, a set of oversized sparklers in his hand that are lit. Leo is on the opposite side, clearly distracted as his face is blurred, looking towards Raph and Mikey. Raph is grinning at the camera with a thumbs up, his other hand grabbing Mikey’s head and dunking him into the cake face first. Mikey’s hand is thrown outwards in a bad attempt to catch himself, his face blurred and a few centimetres away from the cake.

Leo has his bandana tails twisted into a platt, the ends woven in with red, purple and orange strips. He has a large scar over his arm, and a cracked plastron (though this is covered by a painting of a cherry blossom branch) and carapace from where Karai stabbed him. Raph is the most scarred out of his brothers, notably having a face scar that looks like an old burn. He also has claw marks scarred on his shoulder and a crack in his plastron resembling 2012 Raph’s. His bandana tails are torn at the end with a few piercings, dyed black at the tips in a gradient. Donnie is has the least scars out of his brothers, only his hands having a few white scars. He has goggles on his head, various bags and belts strapped on him. Mikey is too blurred to be seen much of him, but his bandana tails can be seen to have beads woven into them, along with a few piercings. His carapace also seems to have some kind of watercolour painting on the back, though not much can be seen.]

HasTheBraincell:

Good times

AteTheBraincell:

Good times

LostTheBraincell:

Not good times

>@HasTheBraincell has unlocked all chats for @~~Electro~~<

~~Electro~~:

Moments before disaster fr

WHEN I WAS

Bootyyyshaker9000:

I did not consent to his freedom.

Shut it

Mik:

I remember both you guys!!!!

Alternate bros!!!

Donatello:

Ah yes, good times

WantsTheBraincell:

Our shredder almost wiped out our entire existence

Raphael:

Yep, good times alright

It made a great movie though

CaptainLeo:

I cant with these guys

Mik:

I love the beads on the masks of the older bros theyre real sparkly looking

LostTheBraincell:

My thoughts exactly

And Raph said they were dumb

Bootyyyshaker9000:

How many alternates have you met???

@I_Crave_Chemicals get your Donnie mind here this instant they speak

f*ck:

Please tell me you guys dont say turtle powr still like nerds

And your mikey is more floaty than ours lol

Leonardo:

Floaty??? No that’s just Michelangelo!

Raphael:

I hope that wasn’t an insult, buddy

~~Electro~~:

Damn protective brother squad comin in hot

Mik:

How do I change my name i want the wuiggly things like my alternate compadres!!

The reign of Mik is over

Totally wiped out!

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Why do you speak like a surfer dude

Mik:

Awww thanks

Raphael:

I’m reading up and I’m seeing a lot of talk about babies

WantsTheBraincell:

Don’t talk to me about the babies

Leonardo:

Oh I have a question! What’s your favourite ninja weapon if you could have any? I know it might correlate to our weapon of choice for a lot of them but I think it’s a cool topic right?

Of course I’m still with katana, twin blades always have the best balancing and are surprisingly light

Raphael:

Oh no he’s started up again

WantsTheBraincell:

Yes I completely agree! Have you tried holding ones made with a more hollow metal? I’ll admit at first I wasn’t very keen but the levels of agility I can achieve in fighting is far better than before

CaptainLeo:

Really? I prefer a heavier weight, it brings more force to my blows and is better at defence

Though I think I understand the appeal, afterall a ninja

~~Electro~~:

Please take this to the leo chat I’m so bored man

WantsTheBraincell:

Sobbing right now

Mik:

Dont cry :(

Raphael:

Sarcasm, Michelangelo

Mik:

Oh good <3

i really like the heart thing my alternate compadre made do you have angmore?

~MagicMike~:

[̲̅$̲̅(̲̅ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°̲̅)̲̅$̲̅]

( ಠ ͜ʖಠ)

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

━╤デ╦︻(▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿)

( ✧≖ ͜ʖ≖)

AteTheBraincell:

Wtf do you have an arsenal of that sh*t

~MagicMike~:

Emergencies

~~Electro~~:

Imma steal all of them

Mik:

radical!!!

Donatello:

@Bootyyyshaker9000 at least twenty

On weekdays

Bootyyyclapper9000:

UHAAUA

HasTheBraincell:

Spitting out my drink as we speak

LostTheBraincell:

Slurps up said drink

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Im sorry wha

Red:

so what bout weekends???

Leonardo:

Oh that’s usually body swaps, though every Sunday of a fortnight we sometimes have dimensional invasions or fruit based mutations depending on the time of year!

Bootyyyclapper9000:

@Bootyyyshaker9000 in shock so mucj he forgor punctuationb

~~Electro~~

Forgor

Bootyyyclapper9000:

ableist

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Give me up to ten working weeks to process this

Mik:

No problem!

Raphael:

Come on doesn’t everybody have a hom*osexual warlord in a gimp suit chasing after them because they took away his pizza coupons or some sh*t??

~~Electro~~:

AUGGHYA

CaptainLeo:

Are you talking about the f*cking shredder ????

AteTheBraincell:

I need to get a drink so I can spit it out

WantsTheBraincell:

No????!!??

f*ck:

You broke old Leo

f*ckin hell

~MagicMike~:

Ours was a literal demon so uh

I don’t think so??

I mean idk im not gonna label a demon thanks

Bootyyyclapper9000:

GIMP SUIT

WantsTheBraincell:

I’m trying to think of something to say, I promise

~~Electro~~:

Im gonna frame that on my wall fr

Donatello:

We’ve been invited to his wedding actually

~~Electro~~:

*dies*

>> Council Of The Dons <<

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Lilac you need to come here and read this sh*t

@I_Crave_Chemicals

@I_Crave_Chemicals

HasTheBraincell:

Maybe they’re busy :(

Bootyyyshaker9000:

All day???

Suspicious

Not in a fun way

HasTheBraincell:

How can it be in a fun way?

Donatello:

Good evening, gentle-turtles.

HasTheBraincell:

Morning

Bootyyyshaker9000:

@I_Crave_Chemicals Lilaaaac

Donatello:

Lilac?

HasTheBraincell:

Purple calls them that, and so do I

Kind of a nickname, they’re cool with it

I believe I have been dubbed Lavender

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Indeed

Lilac needs to get their butt down here I can’t handle this information alone

I think it needs all of our brainpower

Donatello:

I can provide more if you like!

I never told you guys about that time I created the secret to immortality

Bootyyyshaker9000:

For my health, please shut the f*ck up

HasTheBraincell:

I think you triggered a migraine with that sentence

Donatello:

That’s the Donatello effect

HasTheBraincell:

Maybe ping Lilac again later they’re clearly not answering

Maybe he’s just out on a skip run.

His brothers didn’t seem fussed, I wouldn’t worry.

Bootyyyshaker9000:

I am not worrying as you say, just mildly concerned as I would like to talk to them about this and I would not like him to miss out.

Not worried at all.

Donatello:

How are you so bad at lying that I can basically hear the nervous laugh

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Shut it

HasTheBraincell:

Purple, play nice

Bootyyyshaker9000:

That’s no fun!

>>Teenage Mutant Neetle Teetles<<

LostTheBraincell:

Therefore fundamentally obeying the law is wrong if it stops you from having fun and the whole system was just created to stop people enjoying themselves and to reign control as a secret government run by crab people

Mik:

really?????

do you think so

Leonardo:

I’m going to have to disagree

HasTheBraincell:

@LostTheBraincell you literally were in prison every week when we went to the future

The only reason you don’t break laws now is because you need to stay hidden

Honestly I think it was a blessing in disguise not letting you loose on society during the day

LostTheBraincell:

Ableist

CaptainLeo:

Yeah no I don’t think you can keep countering every argument with that point

LostTheBraincell:

Watch me

Raphael:

Why is your mikey a psycho

Who decided this

Everything that has come out of his mouth has made me glad we didn’t let him stay in our universe for more than a few hours

HasTheBraincell:

Trust me when we went to the future you should have seen Leo try and control him

He gave up after the 60 th arrest

Raphael:

I don’t know whether to be impressed or horrified

LostTheBraincell:

I have that effect on people

CaptainLeo:

Honestly I could see my mikey doing the same thing

Super skilled, just no motive

~~Electro~~:

I heard you were talking sh*t about me

AteTheBraincell:

Wtf

LostTheBraincell:

Excuse me?

AteTheBraincell:

You know what I’m talking about

LostTheBraincell:

[Video Recording]

Leo is seen stretching in the dojo when Donatello walks up to him from out of the frame. He is stoic, completely serious as he randomly clasps Leo’s hand and gives it a firm shake. Wordlessly, he leaves again, and Leo confusedly looks down at the hand Don shook to find a small plastic baby there. He looks back up in the direction Donatello left, his face a mixture of confusion, disappointment and concern.

[Video ends]

CaptainLeo:

What

AteTheBraincell:

I’m ending this

I knew Don was involved, the whor*

Betrayal

LostTheBraincell:

@HasTheBraincell Leo’s coming for us

We need to go

Collect the stashjkaooskseii dhej

Raphael:

Poor fella.

CaptainLeo:

I think we are witnessing an end to an empire

~~Electro~~:

LIVE UPDATES LIVE UPDATES

Bootyyyclapper9000:

i wass summoned by DRAMA

all gay men are

~~Electro~~:

*turtles

CaptainLeo:

I think thats just you

Raphael:

They can’t leave us hanging like this come on

Bootyyyclapper9000:

@Bootyyyshaker9000 twinnie drama alertt

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Oh I do love a bit of drama.

Leonardo:

Still confused that an alternate me is twins with Donatello

I’m trying to stop them from killing himself too often I dread to think about what would happen if I was his twin

Raphael:

Ignore him he’s a boring wet sponge

~~Electro~~:

DRAMA

DRAMA

DRAMA

Raphael:

Sure that’ll summon it

WantsTheBraincell:

[Video Recording]

The recoding is dark for a few seconds, only the sound of scrambling and a female tone of laughter. For a moment, you can see 03’s April before the camera flips, and you get a view of the lair.

Immediately Michelangelo slides into frame, carrying a few buckets filled with the tiny plastic babies. His face is comically panicked as the camera follows his path to a large submarine parked in what seems to be a water hatch leading deep into the sewer pipes.

“Hurry! Hurry the f*ck up!” Mikey flings open the door, and you can see a small army of plastic babies lining the floor of the submarine. “Save the children!” He starts tossing the buckets in quickly, eyes darting around as he does so.

“Quick! They’re on their way!” Donny hops down from the ceiling, carrying more plastic babies. He too is frantically shoving them in the sub.

“WATCH OUT!” Michelangelo screams at Don, but it is too late. A blur of blue and green shoots across the screen and tackles Donny out of the frame with an angry growl. Michelangelo starts throwing in the plastic babies more haphazardly in his panic.

Suddenly, Raphael bursts from the mountain of plastic babies in the submarine, yelling. Without taking a breath, he grabs Mikey’s bandana tails and tugs him down with him in the pile, becoming completely out of sight again apart from a few flailing limbs that kick outwards.

April bursts into louder laughter and the video cuts off.

[Video Ends]

Raphael:

I retract my statement

Bootyyyclapper9000:

Nooooooooo ARM BUDDY

~~Electro~~:

A moment of silence for old Dee and Mike please

Bootyyyshaker9000:

*sobs loudlly*

CaptainLeo:

Are they?? Okay???

Raphael:

Buddy, I doubt it

Donatello:

I feel like I’m missing the context

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Delicious drama yes

~MagicMike~:

ASSHHHAHHA

Grandma and grandpa are fighting again fr

~~Electro~~:

This isn’t a very silent moment of silence

f*ck:

Where tf did old Raph come from????

@~~Electro~~ if you evr do this sh*t I’m ramming them up ur ass

WantsTheBraincell:

I’m burning them all

Leonardo:

Brothers or babies?

WantsTheBraincell:

Yes

Don

You know the drill

HasTheBraincell:

don’t make me please

AteTheBraincell:

Rules are rules

You lost the f*cking privilege

ExBraincell:

Fine

I changed it

I lost the privilege

HasTheBraincell:

There

I now have the brain cell

Seeing as I am the oldest I feel like it’s due

LostTheBraincell:

The children

Leo you didn’t have to genocide them

HasTheBraincell:

Yes I did

I thought you were on timeout

Shut it

LostTheBraincell:

Don is too and you didn’t shut him up

CaptainLeo:

Time out?

~~Electro~~:

Pffffttt

AteTheBraincell:

[Photo ID: Michelangelo and Donatello are taped to the ceiling with duck tape, only one hand free holding their phones.]

Time out

~~Electro~~:

Please

Leo don’t

CaptainLeo:

I’m considering it

f*ck:

youll never take me alive f*cker

Donatello:

Well this certainly has been a long day

Raphael:

A long chapter too

It should probably end now

Chapter 7: The Mysterious Missing Lilac

Chapter Text

>> Teenage Mutant Ninja Teetles <<

Bootyyyclapper9000:

[Video Recording]

Orange is hammering himself repeatedly into a glass window, looking confused each time he collides with the glass. Occasionally he lets out an angry chirp, and Blue is laughing loudly in the background.

[Video ends]

@LostTheBraincell this is what I was talking about to youu earlier

bestttiiiieee

HasTheBraincell:

You’re mean

AteTheBraincell:

shut the f*ck up don

Oh wait

Leo is that you still

f*ck:

lmao get rekt

CaptainLeo:

No?

What’s wrong with him

LostTheBraincell:

AHAGUSIAIAJAKS

@Bootyyyclapper9000 you were right I’m saving this forever

~MagicMike~:

LEO YOU f*ckIN RAT

that’s it

Raphael:

Hold the fight until I get the popcorn

Wait wait wait

f*ck:

Ew forgot blorbos were here

Mik:

Ew?????

sorry :(

AteTheBraincell:

Did you just make him cry

Did you just upset little mike

Leonardo:

Excuse me

You

Fiend

Villain

ExBraincell:

I have awoken to the sound of mockery and now I have three requests

One, can I have my name back? I literally saw you try and balance a katana on another katana whilst fighting Raphie today @HasTheBraincell

Two, should I be concerned about the way Orange looks like a house fly?

Three, ignore @f*ck in the kindest way possible, he’s always mean @Mik

f*ck:

The f*ckin slander

i was bein scarcastic, truce?

Mik:

Virtual hugs!!!!!!!!

~~Electro~~:

I want virtual hugd pls

Mik:

Sending them over dude <3 <3

~~Electro~~:

*dies of hugs*

~MagicMike~:

[Video Recording]

Orange is poking his head out from behind a shelf in what looks like a pizza place filled with different yokai. The camera zooms in on Blue, who is talking to a white rabbit in a waiter’s uniform.

“Are you a library book?” Blue is grinning, overconfident, as he begins to lean on a countertop. “Because I wanna –“

He is cut off when his elbow slips and he slams head first into the waiter’s cart. With the momentum, the cart shoots down the restaurant with Blue screaming on top, until they both crash out of a window. Orange is stifling giggles, camera shaking with the effort as he zooms back in on the rabbit’s bewildered face.

[Video ends]

LostTheBraincell:

No no stop im dyin of laughter here plssss

Raphael:

That went wrong in every way it could

Impressive

ExBraincell:

Is that usagi?

AteTheBraincell:

Reminds me of a certain someone

HasTheBraincell:

Shut the f*ck up

Bootyyyshaker9000:

[Photo ID: image of Blue standing in an archway, glaring daggers at Orange, who is oblivious (facing away with his headphones on).]

[Photo ID: Blue is mid leap, and Orange is caught in the action of scrambling away on all fours, seemingly torn between popping into his shell and running as one of his limbs has fully retracted.]

What is going on here, brothers?

Ah

Donatello:

Can we go back to the turtle who is smacking himself into a window? No?

Red:

its a box turtle thing orange does like his shell thing

which blue shouldnt film and help him

AteTheBraincell:

No no no you can’t say “box turtle thing” but the blorbos dont do it

And since f*cking when

ExBraincell:

Actually it’s true! Box turtles (ornate ones included) can’t perceive glass well at all. They’ll just keep hammering into it

Though I’m curious if it happens all the time

AteTheBraincell:

You want the brain cell status back don’t you

ExBraincell:

Please it’s all I have I can’t go on –

HasTheBraincell:

Shut it

Bootyyyshaker9000:

If he knows glass is there it’s fine

My dear twin just chose to not tell him like a skan*

Mik:

oh we totally get that sometimes!!!! You should have totally seen us when we first mutated talk about a shell shocker!!!

and little turtle me had no idea why I couldnt just walk out of that little tank and swim to superbuloso freedom!!!!

CaptainLeo:

Again why do u speak like a surfer dude

You even text like one how

~~Electro~~:

I wish I could tell turtle me that algae is overrated :(

Leonardo:

I think it’s quite nice actually

Raphael:

Nah gotta have a few pieces of moss on a margarita and anchovies man

That hits the spot

LostTheBraincell:

Ex f*cking cuze me

f*ck:

No

No

I’m not

I am not thinkin bout that

HasTheBraincell:

You actually eat that on pizza?

f*ck:

I don’t like the way ur implyin it would be fine not on pizza

LostTheBraincell:

I mean it’s not that bad

Like sometimes I snap up a bug or two if I’m a little peckish

AteTheBraincell:

He does not speak for all of us

His stomach is a black hole I swear

~~Electro~~:

Omg fast metabolismn/low blood sugar gang???

LostTheBraincell:

Omg the girlies out to get some snackies

HasTheBraincell:

I’m debating shoving your head down a toilet for that one

Donatello:

Why are you like our Leonardo but ten years after having to deal with us

Leonardo:

Half the time it’s just you Donatello

Mik:

Come on u knkw raphael is the biggest mother hen sometimes yo

~~Electro~~:

@Red I think you found a best friend here

Red:

I dont hen :(

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Hm yeah sure

AteTheBraincell:

You were telling the Raph chat last week you didn’t want Orange goin out cos he had a paper cut you didn’t want getting infected

CaptainLeo:

There is no way my Raph would ever

Bootyyyshaker9000:

You

CaptainLeo:

Me?

LostTheBraincell:

But seriously what the f*ck blorbos

Your pizza toppings need to be lazer-beamed out of existence

AteTheBraincell:

Oh yeah like you can talk

You can only make scrambled eggs

LostTheBraincell:

YOU TAKE THAT BACK

Red:

@AteTheBraincell I didn’t want to take the chance :(

Mik:

Aww

Bootyyyclapper9000:

[Photo ID: Orange’s shell, but it is completely covered in duct tape so he is trapped inside.]

I win

Red:

blue

Raphael:

Remind me to never get on your bad side geez

LostTheBraincell:

I’m glad I can’t tuck into my shell

~~Electro~~:

Wait fr

Bootyyyshaker9000:

@CaptainLeo where is your Donatello

I must speak with him but the council has not been able to reach him

Leonardo:

We can’t either

Donatello:

Too bulky

We don’t have armoured sides

~~Electro~~:

Ew

CaptainLeo:

My Donnie is working I would imagine

I haven’t seen him in a while I can only assume it’s that

Though he needs to sort out some trackers I want created so I will check up on him

Thanks for bringing it up

~~Electro~~:

I’ll do it

f*ck:

Yeah no

You’ll trash the lab

~~Electro~~:

Lately they’ve been letting me in!

CaptainLeo:

They?

Bootyyyclapper9000:

why is it always drama with these guys fr

Raphael:

I’m not complaining

You’d think they’d figure stuff out after five seasons but no

~~Electro~~:

I mean this in the best way Lee but you are only gonna go in there to nag him

He’s been way overworked lately I’ve tried to get him out trust me

f*ck:

He’s the smart one its his job lol

Donatello:

Hmmm no?

I do enjoy a bit of yoga in my free time

Raphael:

Can verify

He bends like no turtle should it’s scary

~ExBraincell~:

We should probably try and break this up

LostTheBraincell:

So like does anyone have a candy crush account I need hearts

Bootyyyclapper9000:

I gotya sis

HasTheBraincell:

I left for two seconds to dunk Mikey’s head down a toilet what happened here

Why do you always make them fight

~~Electro~~:

No its f*ckin not

Why do you keep saying this sh*t

CaptainLeo:

He’s the only one that can do these things Mikey

Unless you can

I don’t nag him, he can always tell me no can’t he?

~~Electro~~:

What, like how u can stop training when one of us gets hurt on a patrol??? U see what I mean?

f*ck:

He doesnt mind hes a nerd

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Disclaimer, I would’ve punted you across the room if you were my brothers and saying that sh*t

It’s not easy to say no

I know that

Bootyyyclapper9000:

*sad flute solo*

IM SKRRY THAT WAS MEANGT TO BE A WHIKE AGO AAJJSAK

Leonardo:

How are you an alternate of me

Bootyyyclapper9000:

I’m the cool one

HasTheBraincell:

No

No you’re not

~~Electro~~:

Yeah im not getting into this here

im checking on him

LostTheBraincell:

I want to start a band who joining me

Bad timing wait

Raphael:

I’ve always wanted to be in a band

Donatello:

I can play the windpipes?

AteTheBraincell:

What the actual f*ck is wrong with you

ExBraincell:

That argument got pretty heated, wow

I’m going to go ahead and delete that, just to help if anyone is triggered by it!

Maybe next time we could avoid this? I have been informed that we have a few empathy here

CaptainLeo:

I apologise deeply

LostTheBraincell:

Nah it’s chill

Bootyyyshaker9000:

I’m going to take your other knee

Raphael:

Not a fan?

LostTheBraincell:

Well I’m starting up a brilliant ASMR session if anyone wants me

ExBraincell:

Not again

I’m banning you

Bootyyyclapper9000:

No dont

AteTheBraincell:

Someone stop him quick before my ears bleed

HasTheBraincell:

I give up with him

I’m sorry for his behaviour, he’s your problem now

Leonardo:

No don’t leave me alone with him he scares me

What is asmr?

Raphael:

I think we’re gonna find out

>> Council Of The Dons <<

Bootyyyshaker9000:

@I_Crave_Chemicals Lilac I may have done a little mistake and created a family drama for you, though I can’t say I’m sorry

ExBraincell:

I’ll apologise in his name, as always then

Donatello:

I get the feeling you’re quite the drama king

Bootyyyshaker9000:

I aim to please

But Lilac let us help I’m bored anyway

Need a bit of engineering or chemistry

ExBraincell:

Don’t get me hooked on engineering I hyperfixate too hard

Donatello:

All science is my hyper fixation

I can’t help but break its laws!!!

Okay but longest days without sleep, go:

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Oh, I think it was almost five before I passed out

I mean fell asleep whilst standing to prove a point

ExBraincell:

Yeah kinda same for me

Almost five, then Mikey sat on me until I fell asleep which was a feat considering he was supposed to be on sedatives.

Bootyyyshaker9000:

What happened?

ExBraincell:

No elaboration.

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Noted.

Donatello:

Mine is only three days, Michelangelo also got the other guys to come and swaddle me with blankets until I couldn’t move!

Then he gave me his favourite pizza and I didn’t want to offend him so I went to sleep out of politeness.

ExBraincell:

Younger brothers really are something!

I_Crave_Chemicals:

this marks day six

Donatello:

The elusive Lilac has returned I see! But perhaps get some sleep first?

ExBraincell:

Please get some rest! That is extremely bad, I worry for you, you know that?

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Workin

Cant stop gotta fix my mistake

Bootyyyshaker9000:

I might stage an intervention here, even though I am under qualified to do so.

Lilac, for the love of pizza break out of the huperfixation loop

Donatello:

I’m sure you haven’t broken anything that bad! What’s learning without mistakes, right?

ExBraincell:

Can you tell us what’s going on in that brain of yours?

It’s just us.

I_Crave_Chemicals:

K f*cked up

Im a sh*t brother

Thought bout what u said with mikey and adhd and did some research

f*cked sh*t up

Donatello:

Oh man this is bad

ExBraincell:

You haven’t messed anything up, I promise

I_Crave_Chemicals:

I called him stupid and sh*t

I’m fixing itt

Researchin everything so i dont get it wrong and I’ve written a speech for him

i was so mean to him

not an excuse anyway

i think this family is f*cked

sh*t i didn’t mean that

Bootyyyshaker9000:

You aren’t the only one why made mistakes with their Mikey

Under the alliance of the council I shall share this, but:

I was the same. When me and Mikey were kids I used to call him awful things because I didn’t understand and it frustrated me and he did everything I hated.

But I was like you, and did research, and saw the error of my ways – the fact that you are admitting that is enough to say you aren’t a bad brother, just misinformed I should think.

Donatello:

“I’m not good with emotions” my butt

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Silence heathen

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Makin it right

Still gotta fix lair but cant get out of loop

ExBraincell:

I have a good cure for that, don’t worry

I want you to find your Mikey, and give him a hug.

I’ve heard that is especially effective on Mikeys

I_Crave_Chemicals:

really? K

Donatello:

That…worked?

Poor fella

Bootyyyshaker9000:

I might have to get Dr Feelings on this version of us

Way over my pay grade

Donatello:

I’m sorry who?

Bootyyyshaker9000:

You’ll see

ExBraincell:

As long as it isn’t that Delicate Touch one I’m okay with it

The other one gave Mikey nightmares

>> Teenage Mutant Ninja Teetles <<

LostTheBraincell:

Ok why does my Don look like someone has kicked his puppy

Fess up I’m ready to throw hands

AteTheBraincell:

Alright whi messed with him

~~Electro~~:

Helllp

Helllp

[Photo ID: Mikey is taking an unsteady selfie. He seems to be collapsed in Donnie’s lab, with the scientist himself folded across his front. Donnie’s arms are looped around Mikey’s neck and waist, head rolling on his shoulder.]

They hugged me and started staying sorry and then passed the f*ck out

Raphael:

Mood

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Literally me

Leonardo:

My Donatello is looking oddly subdued, he’s just staring at his giant microscope and not doing anything

What happened here?

Bootyyyshaker9000:

I will not break the sacred seal of The Council

Raphael:

Geez, what a cultist

I bet you’re great at parties

AteTheBraincell:

Donny has been acquired

Taking him to watch Jurassic Park before Leo sees his face and starts crying

~~Electro~~:

I need backup

I’ve never been this still for so long

HasTheBraincell:

It’s been a single minute

Wait Dons sad??

LostTheBraincell:

Can I get an update on Orange?

AteTheBraincell:

Nah just a little put out Lea

Nothing bad

Mik:

why can I feel Donatello all down in the dumps down there???? Wjat happened????

LostTheBraincell:

Oh no I summoned the Donatello protection squad

I am a full member by the way

CaptainLeo:

Wait what happened with Dee?

@~~Electro~~ I’m heading over and we are strapping him to his bed

~~Electro~~:

His eye bags are insane dude

He better not get out of bed for a month

Bootyyyclapper9000:

[Video Recording]

Orange still has all the duct tape on his shell, but Blue is slowly walking out of the room.

“Leon!” Orange yell, rolling around in his shell a little. “Don’t leave me here! Leon?! Leonardo you better not –“

Blue runs away, giggling.

[Video Ends]

Teehee

Raphael:

Seriously everyone is trying to figure out whatever emotional nuke just dropped on Donnie town and then there’s this guy filming child abuse

Bootyyyclapper9000:

Shut up ur literaly 3

Raphael:

And yet I have better spelling than you

HasTheBraincell:

Two seconds

You can’t shut up for two seconds

Bootyyyshaker 9000:

No

Leonardo:

@Mik it’s okay! He just needed a chin scratch :)

LostTheBraincell:

I do love a good scritch on the chin

Red:

Perfection

LostTheBraincell:

Raph purrs when April does it

AteTheBraincell:

I’m going to stuff your head in this dvd case

LostTheBraincell:

Don will kill ya it’s it’s Jurassic Park case

You bluffin

f*ck:

Where u at

CaptainLeo:

Getting as many blankets as possible

He’s never getting out of his bed again

Bootyyyclapper9000:

[Photo ID: a zoomed in picture of Orange in his shell, but now you can see a clawed finger poking out of some of the tape.]

He’s breaking free

~~Electro~~:

SOARIN

FLYIN

Bootyyyshaker9000:

One more lyric of that awful song will end in disembowelment

~~Electro~~:

You’re just jealous

Also, Donnie has officially been locked onto his bed

Though wtf happen

Donatello:

Secrets

AteTheBraincell:

f*ckin nerd

Chapter 8: Crazy?

Chapter Text

>> Meenage Mutant Ninja Teetles <<

Red:

Is raph goin crazy or is the chat name changin slowly

~~Electro~~:

Crazy?

I was crazy once

Bootyyyclapper9000:

they locked me in a room

~~Electro~~:

They locked me in a room

Donatello:

A rubber room!

Bootyyyclapper9000:

A rubber room.

CaptainLeo:

Oh no

What have you done

~~Electro~~:

A rubber room with rats

Donatello:

A rubber room with rats

Bootyyyclapper9000:

A rubber room with rats

~MagicMike~:

And rats make me crazy

LostTheBraincell:

Crazy?

I was crazy once

They locked me in a room

A rubber room

Bootyyyclapper9000:

Crazy? i was crazuy once

Mik:

They locked me in a room

~~Electro~~:

I was crazy once

Donatello:

A rubber room!

CaptainLeo:

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

@CouncilOfTheDons help help help

f*ck:

A rubber room

~~Electro~~:

A rubber room

A rubber room with rats

Leonardo:

Oh no

I can’t stop them I’m sorry

I’ve tried

Donatello:

A rubber room with rats

Bootyyyclapper9000:

A rubber room with rats

And rats make me crazy

Red:

im sorry

im so so sorry

Please shut up

Please

Bootyyyshaker9000:

I was summoned

Oh boy, this is a code C100

I’m going to need backup

LostTheBraincell:

And rats make me crazy

Crazy?

~~Electro~~:

I was crazy once

They locked me in a room

Bootyyyclapper9000:

i was crazy once

f*ck:

Crazy? I was crazy once

CaptainLeo:

None of them are in synch

They’re multiplying

~MagicMike~:

I was crazy once

They locked me in a room

A rubber room

Donatello:

A rubber room!

A rubber room with rats

~~Electro~~:

A rubber room with rats

Mik:

And rats make me crazy

Crazy?

Raphael:

Crazy? I was crazy once

CaptainLeo:

STOP

Leonardo:

I’m getting absorbed

Red:

Don’t you DARE

Bootyyyclapper9000:

a rubber room with rats

and rats make me crazyy

Leonardo:

I’m sorry

CaptainLeo:

NO

f*ck:

Crazy? I was crazy once

~~Electro~~:

They locked me in a room

Donatello:

A rubber room

Leonardo:

A rubber room

A rubber room with rats

And rats make me crazy

LostTheBraincell:

I WAS CRAZY ONCE

THEY LOCKED ME IN A ROOM

A RUBBER ROOM

A RUBBER ROOM WITH RATS

AND RATS MAKE ME CRAZY

CRAZY?

I WAS CRAZY ONCE

CaptainLeo:

I can’t do this anymore

@Leonardo you traitor your are adding to the problem

Red:

what have I done????

Donatello:

Crazy? I was crazy once

~~Electro~~:

[Voice note: “crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was –“]

Leonardo:

I was crazy once

Red:

STOP

Bootyyyshaker9000:

I’m on it I swear

They are lagging out the server the fools!

Mik:

I was crazy once

Donatello:

They locked me in a room

A rubber room!

Bootyyyclapper9000:

A rubber room with rats

>@Bootyyyshaker9000 has placed 9 users in The Isolation Chamber for 4 hours <

CaptainLeo:

I can finally hear myself think

Worst experience of my life

Red:

I’m sorry

I should have known

AteTheBraincell:

@HasTheBraincell

@HasTheBraincell

GET THAT NAME OUTTA HERE YOU f*ckIN IDIOT YOU LOST THE RIGHTS OF BEING THE BRAINCELL

HasTheBraincell:

NO! IT WAS UNDER CONTROL

CaptainLeo:

I spoke too soon

ExBraincell:

Give me my name back or face the consequences of baby jail!!!

HasTheBraincell:

I will set the spray on you

AteTheBraincell:

Don’t threaten violence mr “I thought it would be a smart idea to jump down 5 stories because some old ladys cat was stuck in a tree and father than climb down the fire escape like a normal turtle I wanted to do a triple backflip and break my ankle”

CaptainLeo:

Excuse me what

HasTheBraincell:

You’re over exaggerating

It was 4 stories

And my ankle is sprained

Where is mikey he will back me up

ExBraincell:

We agreed five years ago that Mikey doesn’t count as a solid defence

Not since he cartwheeled through a window and into that children’s party

Red:

?????

Bootyyyshaker9000:

What is going on

I’m trying to manage 9 turtles trying to lag out the server

AteTheBraincell:

YOUR ANKLE IS THE WIDTH OF MY NEXK IS f*ckING BROKEN

ExBraincell:

Give me back my name

HasTheBraincell:

I thought we had to have a court hearing for this?

And my ankle is fine, that’s what ankles do sometimes

AteTheBraincell:

I hate you

We are skipping the court meeting

HasTheBraincell:

Decided

I have now returned to my former glory

WantsTheBraincell:

What

You can’t do this

I’m stringing you up from the ceiling in your sleep

Kill me

AteTheBraincell:

No amount of death threats are going to get you outta this

Red:

I think Raph is missing context

HasTheBraincell:

I am now Donatello

I reign supreme

AteTheBraincell:

I dunno youve been pretty f*ckin stupid lately

And you did rip off that robot head once

CaptainLeo:

I’m choking on my drink what

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Robots? Oh I hope you kept the head

At least did you dissect it?

HasTheBraincell:

I panicked

WantsTheBraincell:

@AteTheBraincell I saw you try and shove a hotdog up Casey’s nose yesterday you don’t get to talk

AteTheBraincell:

science man

it worked

CaptainLeo:

I think I’m going to meditate and never speak to any of you again

You drive me crazy in a bad way

Not the fun way

Raphael:

Crazy? I was crazy once

Red:

How did you get here

Raphael:

Plot armour

You can’t stop me I’m too marketable

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Dammit he squeaked out again!

Parasites, the lot of them!

AteTheBraincell:

Wait why is everyone gone

Oh

Leo don’t you dare

WantsTheBraincell:

Crazy? I was crazy once

Red:

I thought Leo’s would be more mature

AteTheBraincell:

He did this as soon as he could talk to piss us off and we could never do anything about jt

HasTheBraincell:

Not again

WantsTheBraincell:

They locked me in a room

A rubber room

>@WantsTheBraincell has been put in The Isolation Chamber by @HasTheBraincell for “until he grows a new braincell” <

Raphael:

I’ll shut up I promise

Don’t make me go back there

I’m begging you

Please

CaptainLeo:

I’m watching you

I_Crave_Chemicals:

[Photo ID: a screenshot of the Isolation Chamber chat, where there is just floods of messages of the same phrase “crazy? I was crazy once…” over and over by all the users. Some vary in voice notes, and random pictures of close up eyes. There are multiple screenshots, scrolling down forever.]

What did I miss?

CaptainLeo:

@I_Crave_Chemicals I’m giving you five seconds to go back to sleep or eat something

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Can I riot

CaptainLeo:

No

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Yes, mom

Red:

Is he okay now?

Whatever happened shook up all Donnies quite a bit I think

WantsTheBraincell:

A bit???

HasTheBraincell:

I feel like the younger child watching the parents talk about them like they’re not there

Wait is this how Mikey feels??

CaptainLeo:

It brought attention some faults in my own interactions

I’m fixing it

And yes, he’s slept for almost 20 hours now

Red:

Wow purple your record just got beat

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Alas, my title!

Raphael:

Got a big ego this one, hasn’t he?

>>f*ck Windows<<

WantsTheBraincell:

Okay I do approve of this chat name

I feel like it represents all of us

Leonardo:

I haven’t experienced that yet

WantsTheBraincell:

Most of us

Bootyyyclapper9000:

IM FREE

ITS BEEN HOURS OF SILENNBCE!!!!1!!!

@Leonardo buddy its either a window or a giant portal

CaptainLeo:

Don’t scare him :(

Leonardo:

Yep, pretty scared right now thanks guys

Bootyyyclapper9000:

just preppin you

also can we addresss the d r a m a

WantsTheBraincell:

No

Shut up Blue

How are you me

Leonardo:

Oh?

Oh

Gossip is more Raphael’s thing but I am curious

CaptainLeo:

I guess this is the thing about Donnie and me?

Bootyyyclapper9000:

*nods, sipping tea*

WantsTheBraincell:

I can’t help but be a little concerned

I’ve seen a broken family once

Unfortunately it was all my fault

I don’t wish that on anyone, in all seriousness

Bootyyyclapper9000:

we need a bingo card damn similaritiees are too close

Leonardo:

Is everything actually going okay?

CaptainLeo:

Besides realising I’ve been a nagging mess of a brother?

It’s getting better

Raph’s been quiet though

WantsTheBraincell:

Let him have his space

It works for my Raph

Bootyyyclapper9000:

i mean u were only a little naggy

i guess

but you better make it up to him

my donnie was real upset over whatever they had been talking about

CaptainLeo:

Yeah I did

I think things are going to get better :)

Leonardo:

Good!

Now I am going to change the subject because this chapter was supposed to be lighthearted!

[Photo ID: Michelangelo is standing in what seems to be an alleyway, holding up a rusted spoon happily with a wave.]

He found a spoon :)

Bootyyyclapper9000:

I want to adopt your Mikey plsssss

also, the eye?? can I ask or nah

Leonardo:

Not today

It’s Raphaels story to tell if it is going to be told

WantsTheBraincell:

A spoon?

Leonardo:

He likes to collect things

He’s a right kleptomaniac

He gives things to us that he thinks we will like

Bootyyyclapper9000:

LET ME ADOPPT HIMM

CaptainLeo:

Oh my mikey collects pizza boxes

WantsTheBraincell:

My Mikey collects comic books mostly

And action figures

And oddly paper clips

Leonardo:

He just gave me the spoon <3

Bootyyyclapper9000:

*dies*

My Donnie collects plants

Mikey doesn’t do much collecting

CaptainLeo:

Paper clips???

WantsTheBraincell:

He wants to make the worst longest paper clip chain

He keeps having to start over every time our home has been destroyed but it’s currently the length of the entire lair

Leonardo:

Old blue, I love everything you just said but it’s also lined with mildly depressing stuff

Bootyyyclapper9000:

get used to itt

hes the only one allowed to make death jokes

ive been banned for at least 10 yearss

CaptainLeo:

Try 20 years

Leonardo:

Why are you all like this

CaptainLeo:

At least I know how to use my weapons

Leonardo:

I used them to cut pizza how was I supposed to know

WantsTheBraincell:

Get out

>>The Cult Of The Michelangelo <<

[VIDEO CHAT]

[Loading Participants]

A single box blinks onto the screen. It is 2003 Michelangelo (referred to as Angelo), who is dressed in a long, orange dress and a stick crown. He has face paint on his face and scales, detailed swirls that hood under his eyes and trail to the edge of his beak and fingertips. He spreads his arm out wide, staring directly at the camera.

“My children! Today we welcome another member of our brethren! Come, and let us begin!”

At his words, three more screens load in – Orange, Mikey and Michelangelo. Orange and Mikey both have matching face paint but no exaggerated dress. They step back from the camera, and bow.

“Yes father Michel!” They both say with large smiles. Michelangelo giggles, flapping his hands a little as he looks at them all.

“Let the ceremony commence!” Angelo yells and tosses some paper clips at the camera. Immediately, both Mikey and Orange start doing the chant from Finding Nemo, clapping their hands and stamping their feet. They are tossing slices of pepperoni pizza into the air as Angelo begins to talk.

“Do you, Michelangelo, promise to be totally cool, and follow the ways of all Michelangelo kind?” The slider asks, pointing a large staff at the screen. Michelangelo nods.

Mikey and Orange start shrieking, throwing more slices of pizza at the camera.

“Then let it be known! You are now known as Little Mike, collector of all things great and small!” Angelo “dubs” Michelangelo by tapping the left and right side of the camera with his stick like a knighthood. “Celebrate, my children!

Michelangelo laughs as Orange and Mikey chant “Little Mike” in various tones of voice.

“Totally righteous!” The 87 turtle grins, clapping his hands.

The next moment, Angelo has thrust Klunk’s face at his camera so it takes up the entire screen.

“You have been acknowledged by Mother Klunk! You are one of us!”

Orange and Mikey chant “one of us” now, getting louder and louder.

Suddenly, Purple opens the door on Orange’s camera, looking very confused.

“What –“ he begins to say, but all the Michelangelos scream at his presence. Angelo yells “SCATTER” and the call abruptly ends.

[End video call]

Chapter 9: The Tragic Demise Of Bill Nye

Chapter Text

>Teenage Mutant Neetle Teetles<

I_Crave_Chemicals:

That’s it

I’m creating a rule book for this chat

f*ck all of you

Hope you die of slow radiation poisoning

LostTheBraincell:

It was just a teehee come on man

I wasn’t doing anything wrong

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Shut the f*ck up

CaptainLeo:

I agree

But why exactly??

I was meditating for an hour and I come back to find the server has been locked for 20 min what

Bootyyyclapper9000:

IT WAS PURPLES IDEA NOT ME

THIS IS A BIIAS U NVR PUNISHJ A DONNNIE

Bootyyyshaker9000:

No proof, dumb dumb

Red:

I swear whenever I try n sleep –

LostTheBraincell:

It was just a teehee

A giggle

A shenanigan, if you will

I_Crave_Chemicals:

You did a live stream lesson on how to commit arson and get away with it shut the f*ck up

That was only the first two minutes of the chaos

Shut the f*ck up

AteTheBraincell:

Nice to see @I_Crave_Chemicals nice and awake again

Raphael:

Yeah, I can hear his annoying whines from here

Mik:

Wha happen mm skeep

Bootyyyclapper9000:

Skeep

LostTheBraincell:

It was nothing bad

I_Crave_Chemicals:

@AteTheBraincell you didn’t help by trying to persuade everyone to drink the ethanol Angelo was using

Both of you shut it

I’m making rules

~~Electro~~:

(Theyre just mad I know how to make fire now)

CaptainLeo:

[Photo ID: the entirety of the back of the lair of the 2012 universe is a crater covered in soot]

WHAT THE f*ck

HasTheBraincell:

Hey, I tried to tell him that adding kerosine would initiate a flame too fast

~~Electro~~:

Yeah but ur boring

LostTheBraincell:

*High fives*

Raphael:

So that’s why my Donatello was trying to down ethanol @AteTheBraincell??

Leonardo:

Everyone should know that our Donatello never backs down from any dare please stop encouraging him to drink ethanol

Bootyyyclapper9000:

Is that his little disclaimer??

LostTheBraincell:

Look I would’ve beat him if I hadn’t passed out from the chemical fumes when we added those plastic forks

HasTheBraincell:

I told you to wear a respirator like I was doing

CaptainLeo:

I’m sorry what the f*ck happened

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Am I the only sane turtle here???

f*ck:

Shut the f*ck up dee you only care cos mikey did it before u did

And he killed bill nye

Red:

I know both u twins were a part of this

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Gasp!

I would never!

Mikey provided the flame!!!

CaptainLeo:

I

I can’t

LostTheBraincell:

@f*ck BILL NYE???

~MagicMike~:

Hey hey hey

I was innocent in all of this I didn’t know why you wanted my fire!

Raphael:

I mean I literally saw you helping Blue start that fire in the botanical garden but sure

Mik:

I actually don’t like fire?

Too hot :(

Raphael:

Well yeah, that’s the point of it

Go back to bed

Mik:

Cnt tell me what to do

Leonardo:

Michelangelo

Mik:

:(

Donatello:

Luckily our mutation means I do not die by ingesting ethanol, as I have found out!

Either that or cartoon logic!

f*ck:

@LostTheBraincell bill nye was donnies favourite flame thrower

I_Crave_Chemicals:

YOU KILLED BILL NYE

Leonardo:

Donatello please

Mik:

Dont drink that etha thingy maybe??? Could feel how sick you were :(

Raphael:

I can feel the puppy eyes from here stop

Too powerful

Donatello:

Well I can’t back down from such an enticing challenge!

WantsTheBraincell:

Angelo what the f*ck did you do

LostTheBraincell:

Everyone always blames me! Blame Don!

HasTheBraincell:

I was actually helpful supervision

~~Electro~~:

@I_Crave_Chemicals I did not kill him, he was a worthy sacrifice!!!!1!

He knew what the cost was!!! Not sorry for science dude

AteTheBraincell:

Didn’t I hear you say “make it bigger” at one point, Don?

HasTheBraincell:

Can’t prove it

I_Crave_Chemicals:

He was an innocent victim

You can’t change my mind

Rule time

Bootyyyclapper9000:

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

LostTheBraincell:

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

CaptainLeo:

If it stops this from happening ever again

LostTheBraincell:

Bold of you to assume rules can stop me

Raphael:

Eh, it’s the effort that counts right?

~~Electro~~:

Hey

No

~MagicMike~:

I actually got a famous last moment before the shut down lol

[Video Recording]

2012 Mikey has oversized lab goggles on and a giant lab coat. In his hands, he has a huge flamethrower with the words “Bill Nye” scribbled on the side in purple pen.

The turtle giggles, staring up at the camera.

“So I just need to –“ he aims the flamethrower at the hissing mixture of chemicals and smoke in front of him and releases a streak of flame. As soon as the fire hits the target, the whole thing explodes, cut off by the video ending.

[Video ends]

~~Electro~~:

No harm no foul right???

WantsTheBraincell:

How are you still alive

AteTheBraincell:

[Photo ID: a picture of Leo staring at his phone with a concerned frown]

Okay whoever activated the Mama Leo scowl, stop it

I_Crave_Chemicals:

I have a draft of the first few rules, actually:

One, no more fire tutorials. At any cost or reason.

Two, no cults. Not referring to any group here, but I have heard from the council that there may be some suspicious activities occurring which I think needs to end before disaster.

Three, no more “virtual wresting” in the Raph chat. Stop running at the camera and tackling it as hard as you can. It doesn’t work.

Four, no more DIY asmr sessions, you keep making my Leo cry whenever he wants some peace (Angelo, I’m talking to you)

Five, the 87 universe needs to stop trying to break physics and built portal guns. Raph fell into another random dimension last week. Stop it.

Six, stop trying to use any Donnie tech (trademarked) to invite random universes, please!! We don’t know what’s out there and I can see a few invites have gone out, Mikey.

Seven, no more plastic babies

Eight, no more mediation sessions after 10pm because they get way too philosophical to be healthy anymore

Nine, 2003 Mikey (or Angelo) is not allowed in any video or voice chat unsupervised. 87 Donatello, any Michelangelo excluding 87’s, my Raphael and Blue do not count as supervision

Ten, stop trying to play hangman. It doesn’t work and always ends in a war.

LostTheBraincell:

Bullsh*t

I feel like this list is targeted

Bootyyyclapper9000:

Yea no

Raphael:

I admire your optimism

CaptainLeo:

I agree completely

AteTheBraincell:

That’s because you’re a puss*

CaptainLeo:

You’re not helping

Actually shut up

Mik:

Too many words :(

Leonardo.

BED

Mik:

:(

Red:

I think the rules are great apart from banning virtual wresting

You don’t understand it’s great

f*ck:

YEAH

~~Electro~~:

Cult? What cult

LostTheBraincell:

What’s a cult

It’s just a happy gathering

Mik:

Oh! My name!

I_Crave_Chemicals:

@Bootyyyshaker9000 brought our attention to your little “ceremony”

~MagicMike~:

Lies

Donatello:

@Mik what about your name?

LittleMike:

:)

I got a sweet new name from my alternate compadres!!! <3

AteTheBraincell:

[Video Recording]

A recoding of a doorway leading into what seems to be the kitchen of the 2003 lair. From inside, you can hear a low giggle that turns into hysterical laughter, with the words “they think they can stop me?” spaced in between.

[Video ends]

He’s gone insane again

Run

HasTheBraincell:

Can I bring attention to inviting random people? I know it’s only happened in 2012 because their Mikey doesn’t know when to stop pressing buttons, but we could genuinely invite a bad universe which would ruin my day significantly

Raphael:

That was the politest “stop it or I’ll hit you” I’ve ever heard I’m jealous

f*ck:

im gonna start a riot

we keep the wrestling and in exchange ban all mikeys forever

~MagicMike~

Bitch you wanna fight

You wanna go

Son imma beat you so hard

f*ck:

GO ON THEN TITCHY

f*ckIN CHILD

GOOFY HATCHLING LOOKIN ASS

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Penalties for rule violation is the isolation chamber obviously

Donatello:

Doesn’t 03 Michelangelo rule that place now?

LittleMike:

I’m scared of going in there, it looks freaky wild man

Bootyyyclapper9000:

@LittleMike trust me you wont evr break rules

Blorb

Tort

Bootyyyshaker9000:

@Red dear brother of mine, you literally knocked yourself unconscious for a day after trying to do a virtual wresting match.

Red:

And I won!

CaptainLeo:

I don’t think that is a solid argument

AteTheBraincell:

puss*

WantsTheBraincell:

Raph please stop bullying

AteTheBraincell:

puss*

Raphael:

Wow, a turtle of many words

~~Electro~~:

I think I want to join Raphs riot

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Stop it

You don’t get to talk you killed Bill Nye

LostTheBraincell:

[Voice Note: a whispered, ragged voice muttering “you can’t stop me, do you know who I am? I rule the isolation chamber, foolish children!” Followed by lots of laughter.]

LittleMike:

Wait you can do voice thingies???

Totally bodacious how do I do it???!!!!

HasTheBraincell:

Do you want me to get him?

WantsTheBraincell:

Yes please

Before he commits aggravated assault again

Donatello:

You actually can’t stop me trying to recreate the portal gun, my fellow alternate

Leonardo:

We didn’t mean to teleport your Raph to an empty void for an hour!

f*ck:

Dullest hour of my life

Bootyyyclapper9000:

Get rekt

LittleMike:

[Voice note: a very loud voice giggling and shouting “Hello! Can you guys hear this? It’s Michelangelo, dudes!”]

Bootyyyclapper9000:

where can I get multiversal adoption paperrs

LittleMike:

Wait we can’t experiment @I_Crave_Chemicals?

But I gotta give you all the bottle caps I’ve been collecting for you, it’s gonna be beyond awesome!

AteTheBraincell:

[Photo ID: A picture of Leo lying flat on his front on the floor, phone clutched to his chest]

You killed him

Bootyyyclapper9000:

Im adipojg him im adopting him im adopting himm

Red:

Stop adopting people

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Oh no I can feel the weight of the puppy dog eyes from dimensions away what is this

~~Electro~~:

Mikeys do it together all at once to send a shockwave big enough to destroy him

~MagicMike~:

(is it working?)

Raphael:

Hey, Michelangelo isn’t for sale!

He’s off the market, buddy

Bootyyyclapper9000:

Im

Adopting

Him

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Look, if we actually experiment safely rather than just hit a button and see what happens I think that could work

f*ck:

You say that like half your sh*t isnt just hitting buttons and hopin it dont blow up on us

HasTheBraincell:

Agreed! I do want to see Shelldon and Metalhead as soon as possible!

~~Electro~~:

(it worked)

f*ck:

Ew nerd

CaptainLeo:

Yeah I’d rather not be thrown into dimensions just a year after retiring thanks

~MagicMike~:

Y’all retired? Old

AteTheBraincell:

[Video Recording]

Raph can be heard chuckling as Donny walks into the room, dragging a tied up Mikey behind him. Donatello is completely unamused as Mikey is babbling dramatically.

“They cannot stop me! I am the bringer of chaos, leader of the Michelangelo Army! I will not be stopped! I shall not fall! I am forever!”

Donatello keeps walking past Raph, giving him a tired nod as he passes him. Mikey’s talking fades away as he is dragged away.

[Video ends]

Look what you did

Leonardo:

I think your Michelangelo has rabies

AteTheBraincell:

I’ve been trying to tell Leo this my whole life, trust me

>Cult of the Michelangelo<

[Video call started]

[Loading participants]

Four users join the call. Angelo is grinning as he strokes Klunk.

“For the record, this is not a cult! We are just sharing opinions through comedy night, right?” He says, turning towards the doorway of his room. Distantly, you can hear Leo’s voice yell “I don’t believe you!”.

Orange, who is currently covered in paint and waving at Michelangelo enthusiastically, chimes in with a grin.

“Yup! Nothing suspicious here!”

Mikey and Michelangelo laugh in agreement.

For a moment, there is another flicker of a screen in the call before Mikey shushes all of them.

“He’s coming!” The 2012 turtle hisses. The other Michelangelos straighten up as Donnie walks into the room. He squints at Mikey’s camera, his red eyes narrowing in suspicion.

“This isn’t another cult meeting, is it?” He hums. Mikey swats his hand away.

“No! Right guys?!”

All the other turtles voice their agreement.

Donnie hesitates for a second.

“Keep it that way.” He warns before exiting the frame. Mikey rolls his eyes.

“Buzzkill.” The box turtle folds his arms. “He just doesn’t understand our vision!”

“Hey, dude! It’s okay to come out now!” Michelangelo peers at the screen with a wide smile.

A final screen pops up, it’s user unknown. A turtle pokes his head into frame, braces glinting in his mouth as he breaks into a large grin.

“Oh good! I was really looking forward to comedy night!” He leans back in his seat. “Me first!”

Chapter 10: Multiversal Mailing System

Chapter Text

>> Cult of the Michelangelo <<

Cheese:

so then i literally passed out

ate the floor

and I have been on bed rest since cos like

having ur blood drained then fighting a giga fly is a bad idea

2/10

dont recommend

LostTheBraincell:

2/10?

Cheese:

i like to stay optimistic for the future

LittleMike:

Why are your adventures so depresso man

I mean the worse thing that happened to me was a little after our show ended I didn’t have to deal with that all my life

~MagicMike~:

@Cheese yeah I feel like fighting Godzilla isn’t the best idea anyway??

~~Electro~~:

Shut up sir “I fought a demon at 13”

Cheese:

sounds like a good netflix show

Id watch it

~MagicMike~:

In my defence

I got super cool mystic powers

LostTheBraincell:

I fought a demon at 17 therefore I can 100% say not a good experience

I did get to turn into a dragon though

Cheese:

fr?

i had a dragon oc as a kid when I watched too much how to train your dragon

bit of trivia to add to the collection

~~Electro~~:

Dude you need ti stay a secret for longer

Cos like

Funny

Cheese:

i would do anything in the name of comedy

LostTheBraincell:

Man I feel like I should say something because I’m like the oldest but

Ew no I’m not a snitch

LittleMike:

I like secrets!!!

~MagicMike~:

Gotta be careful of purple tho

He thinks I’m getting indoctrinated into a cult or whatever man

LostTheBraincell:

Ignore his words my children

[Photo ID: klunk, wrapped in a knitted blanket. She has her eyes closed, and Angelo’s hand can be seen scratching her ears. She has notable grey fur around her muzzle and ears, but otherwise looks very well cared for and healthy]

Hail

LittleMike:

<3

Cheese:

Sorry to break it to the broskis but I do not like cats

LostTheBraincell:

*dies*

~MagicMike~:

uuughuuUUUUUHHH???

~~Electro~~:

I take it back we should totally sacrifice you

[Photo ID: ICK in a bowl, dozing in what looks to be a kitchen setting.]

My baby

Cheese:

i am willing to change my point of view through well structured argument and

wait is that ice cream

~~Electro~~:

MY BABYYYYY <3 <3

LittleMike:

I do actually have a klunk!

Ever since I got mutated I have her wanna see??

~MagicMike~:

@Cheese I will make a powerpoint presentation to persuade you with dr feelings!!

And YEAH DUH

LostTheBraincell:

Lemme see the kitty I must

LittleMike:

[Photo ID: a picture of Michelangelo in front of a mirror as he takes the picture. In his free arm he is tightly hugging a large stuffed cat. The cat has clearly been damaged, but repairs have been made meticulously to each tear and hole.]

Klunkers!

~~Electro~~:

I wanna just

Squish

Cheese:

ok i do not mind that

i love little toy dudes like that i have a stupid amount fr

LittleMike:

I do want a real pet but I’m not allowed just because I keep bringing in little compadres on the street that I take care of

Like raccoons and birds and cats and dogs and one time a bear! I brought back a family of crickets once but they ended up invading the lair when I dropped the box they were in

If I find a little dude I take him to the zoo now, most of the time!

LostTheBraincell:

Awww that’s cute

Cheese:

damn u really being mother teresa out there for the rodents

LittleMike:

<3

I can’t leave the little guys there! What if they get cold :(

~~Electro~~:

DONNIE ALERT

SCATTER SCATTER SCATTER

>> Council Of The Dons <<

I_Crave_Chemicals:

They’re up to something

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Agreed

HasTheBraincell:

We basically have no way of finding out, however

I don’t know about you but my Mike is much smarter than he acts

If he wants to hide something he’ll run circles around everyone

Donatello:

I’ve received some foreign feedback pings from their chat only, not any signatures I recognize, but nothing seems wrong, per say

Bootyyyshaker9000:

EXACTLY!

They are getting more powerful by the day, I fear my fellow intellectuals

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Ok why has a knitted blanket appeared out of midair addressed to Raph

Donatello

Donatello:

What, me?

That’s what I like to call multiverse mail!

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Excuse me what

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Shocked gasp

Go on

HasTheBraincell:

Guys, can we not fiddle with the multiverse too much? Especially for mail???

Donatello:

Lavender, my good friend, your Raphael actually sent this gift to his alternate!

My Raphael asked about it after they were talking in their alternate chat for a bit, so I obviously obliged!

Not to fear, this is not as unstable as multiverse travel because it is basic objects! You can’t teleport people without ripping a giant hole you have to fix, but you can squeak in a few objects every once and a while :)

I_Crave_Chemicals:

How

How do you just

Invent something within a few minutes???

Donatello:

I have my trusty hammer!

And plot

Mostly plot

HasTheBraincell:

You exhaust me

Donatello:

Aww, thanks!

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Show me your ways

I beg of you

Let me

HasTheBraincell:

No offence purple but I would be a lot more concerned if you had the power to chuck things across the multiverse

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Gasp!

How dare!

I am a very responsible and reliable Donatello who would not use it to access infinite uranium no thank you, definitely not me

I_Crave_Chemicals:

How are you still so bad at lying over text?

HasTheBraincell:

I wouldn’t trust lilac too much either

Two different flavours of mad scientist

I_Crave_Chemicals:

What’s that? I couldn’t hear that statement over the sound of hypocrisy

I saw you during The Great Arson Of The Turtleverse

Bootyyyshaker9000:

*part 1

HasTheBraincell:

I’m going to ignore that

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Back to the topic at hand

Why is there a knitted scarf from across the multiverse here?

And why did my Raph see it and look like he was going to cry?

HasTheBraincell:

I can ask my Raph but I feel this is a private thing

I don’t want to invade in that for a mere passing curiosity that will only satisfy myself

Bootyyyshaker9000:

You are 100% wrong

I do love a bit of drama

Donatello:

I never get tired of some of the petty things humans argue about honestly!

HasTheBraincell:

You are both despicable

Bootyyshaker9000:

I will take that as a complement

I_Crave_Chemicals:

No answer on the casual multiverse teleporting

Donatello:

Not really

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Okay

Um

Blueprints, maybe?

HasTheBraincell:

Do not even

Donatello:

Yes! Would you like me to scan them through?

Bootyyyshaker9000:

YES YES YES

HasTheBraincell:

Fine

Go on, then

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Hypocrite

HasTheBraincell:

Silence

>> i dunno red turtles i guess i’m not very creative <<

[Video call]

There are several screens which have a Raphael in the centre of them. The largest one, who seems to be leading the live stream, is 2003 Raph (Rafa). He is leaned back in his chair, holding out some knitting needles, which are in the process of creating a deep red scarf.

Red, Raph and Raphael are all following along, some more expertly than others. Raph seems to be struggling the most, curing every once and a while.

“Ok, so you wanna make sure that it is girly wrapped around the needle even if you’ve been doing it for a bit, ‘cos you could drop stitches if you ain’t careful.” Rafa explains. His hands are agile as the glide through the process, trained after years of the activity.

Raphael, who is creating a pair of big socks, hums with agreement.

“Tell me about it. I messed up so many times it was unfair. Turtle fingers certainly don’t help.” He wiggles the digits at the camera with a raised eyebrow ridge. “But you get used to it when your brothers keep asking you to make them blankets for every day of the week.”

Red chuckles. He has thread hanging from his spikes. Rather than knitting, he looks to be sewing a purple jacket together with quite a large tear on the back.

“You think you have problems?” With a grin, the snapper shows them his significantly bigger hands, hooked claws at the end. “Look what Raph has to thread a needle with.”

Raph suddenly throws his own knitting needles to the ground with a scowl.

“This is dumb. Waste of time!” He grumbles. “How is the exactly supposed to calm anyone down, it’s just –“

“Hey, you gotta give it time –“ Rafa instructs with a furrowed brow.

“I don’t want to give it time!” Raph argues back. “It’s stupid –“

“Then why are you so upset about it, huh? Doesn’t seem like the behaviour you expect to see from a turtle who doesn’t care.” Raphael shrugs, but stops knitting.

“Come on, with a bit more practice –“ Red tries, but is cut off.

“It’s not helping!” Raph gestures at them, becoming notably distressed. “How are you guys so calm all the time! Why am I so angry about messing it up constantly when you make it look so easy!”

Raphael frowns. “Hey, fella –“

“It’s stupid! I don’t know why I bothered trying! It’s obvious that nothing is going to work, and that – and that’s fine –“

“Then why are you crying?” Rafa points out. Raph, in shock, presses a hand to his cheek. Furiously, he scrubs them away.

“Am not! I’m just –“

“It takes time, and lessons learnt the hard way. I never said it was easy.” Rafa bluntly says. He stops knitting, leaning forward. Raph scoffs, ready to storm off, until the older turtle speaks again.

“When I was a teen, I used to get so angry all of the time. No matter what, no matter how, I would fly off the handle and do something dangerous. Like almost kill a brother.” Raph stops. Rafa chuckles darkly, running a hand down his face. “When my father was alive, he would always try and be the one to calm me, but not in the way I expected. He would always ask who I was angry at, not why.”

Rafa looks up again at the camera, meeting Raph’s eyes. The other counterparts remain silent.

“Almost always, it was the same answer. So, who are you angry at?” Rafa asks gently. Raph hisses, folding his arms.

“I don’t know! There’s always something annoying me, setting me over when everyone else is okay –“

“Who?”

“Myself!” Raph yells. He almost seems shocked to admit it. Tears brim in his eyes as he speaks. “I always mess up! No matter how hard I try, I always hurt someone – but hey, that’s Raph for ya, right? Just the screw up, the hot head who – who gets into a fit of rage when someone teases him! There’s no point in trying because I always mess it up, I’ll never be right!” Raph breathes deeply. He moves, as if he is about to turn off the camera, but Rafa’s words stop him again.

“Wanna know a secret? I still get angry now.” He says.

“You think it just, goes away?” Red huffs bitter laughter. “Nah. That would be too easy.”

“But –“

“Show us your blanket so far.” Rafa requests before Raph can argue back. Raph scowls at the floor.

“It’s sh*t.”

“I didn’t ask for an opinion. I wanted to see it, and show ya somethin’.”

Hesitantly, Raph grabs the blanket off the floor and shows it to the screen. It is full of dropped stitches, clustered near the start and less so as it goes on. It’s wonky and imperfect, thread frayed in some areas.

“I still mess up too.” Rafa shows his blanket, and the dropped stitch or two near the start. They weren’t noticeable from a distance, but where are imperfections when up close.

“But if you stop at the first mistake, the first dropped stitch, you ain’t gonna improve. You ain’t gonna finish your blanket by giving up.” Rafa points at Raph’s blanket. “You see, you’ve made a lot of mistakes. There’s no denying that. But they get less and less as you choose to continue working, keep movin’ forward.”

Rafa smiles, small and genuine.

“You want my advice? Keep goin’. Cos if you call it quits after a few mistakes, a few accidents, well…” Rafa holds out his own scarf he was making at a distance. The mistakes are no longer visible compared to the end product. “…no one, not even yourself, will get to see any of the perfect stitches after, or the complete product, and how much better it looks when you see it all together.”

Raph slowly looks at his own blanket in progress. He still blinks tears back, but with less defensive mannerisms than before. Rafa grins.

“Gotta have a perfect stitch before hand to drop the next one.”

“I…yeah.” Raph murmurs.

“That was very suddenly deep. Not what this video call was supposed to be, that’s for sure.” Raphael hums after a moments silence. Red is smiling softly, bending over to resume his work.

“Hey Raphael,” Rafa resumes knitting, leaning back as he talks. “you think your brother can figure out a way to send something across the multiverse real quick?”

Raphael rolls his eyes.

“Am I a giant talking turtle?”

>> Teenage Mutant Neetle Teetles <<

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Ok that’s it

Michelangelos, what are you hiding exactly?

LostTheBraincell:

Nothing

You dare accuse us

Us innocents

Raphael:

Wait who’s in trouble I wanna watch this go down

WantsTheBraincell:

Angelo what did you do?

LostTheBraincell:

*shocked turtle noises*

I never do anything wrong

~~Electro~~:

Slating our name without proof

Can’t believe our rights have fell to this

Leonardo:

Also who keeps sending petitions to start a turtle petting zoo on here?

I’ve been spammed all day :(

LittleMike:

I would like a petting zoo! I signed every one :)

HasTheBraincell:

I think @Bootyyyclapper9000 and @LostTheBraincell and @~~Electro~~ are tag teaming

I’m too tired to deal with it I can’t stop them

~~Electro~~:

We could reconnect to our roots!!!

Dude you arent getting it

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Stop distracting the Council

Bootyyyclapper9000:

Yea but sliders are deadd cute

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Bias, much

Bootyyyclapper9000:

Ur just jealous cos you got an ugly snoot

Pancake lookin ass

Bootyyyshaker9000:

I really hate you

LostTheBraincell:

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

HasTheBraincell:

No but what are the Mikeys up to

LittleMike:

I don’t know about this secret you speak of

Leonardo:

That’s his lying tone

Raphael:

Damn you’re ratting him out real bad right now

Cheese:

Come on man it’s 2023 you can’t use the term “rat” that way fr

I_Crave_Chemicals:

WHO THE f*ck ARE YOU

Chapter 11: Gremlins Arrive

Chapter Text

>> Teenage Mutant Neetle Teetles <<

WantsTheBraincell:

@Cheese

Talk

Cheese:

you mean text right

cos otherwise id have to talk at 3am and I think dad would whoop my ass into next hibernation

LostTheBraincell:

Cheese cheese I’ll distract them you run

Look guys

[Video recording]

Mikey is giggling as he flips the camera so that it reveals Raph is sitting on a couch with a bunch of chopsticks in his mouth. Mikey is giggling, standing behind the couch as he sticks another one in, so cramped that it takes a while to slide into place.

Rafa chuckles behind all the chopsticks, giving Angelo the turtle equivalent of the middle finger with a smug grin. He tries to say something but Mikey can only understand it.

“204, dude. You’re not gonna beat my record. You’re not even close.” Angelo grins mischievously.

[Video ends]

HasTheBraincell:

I left you two alone for literally a minute and a half

WantsTheBraincell:

That wasn’t a good distraction

Cheese:

i think im going to start a kahoot

I_Crave_Chemicals:

You haven’t even told us who you are

Cheese:

thats the point of the kahoot

Also I don’t know who you are

i guess this is stranger danger? Should istop talking to you?

f*ck:

@LostTheBraincell what the f*ck is that

And who tf is this gremlin

No more PLEASE

Leonardo:

What is a kahoot

LittleMike:

And why does it sound so delicious

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Tell me, Michelangelos, were you ever going to tell us about this stowaway that has apparently been lurking in your chat for two weeks

Cheese:

wait yall don’t know what a kahoot is

stoooop

HasTheBraincell:

If it is possible could we have a video stream of you @Cheese? Just for security reasons

And, can I ask if you have any alternate brothers?

Cheese:

dude it is 3am you know how much im putting on the line here

and ye I have alternate versions of all of you too I think if you are all Donnies and Raphs and Leos

honestly i thought the reception would be better i dont feel this welcome wagon guys

~MagicMike~:

@Bootyyyshaker9000 you never technically asked us directly if we had an alternate version of us hiding in our chat room

Leonardo:

I don’t think that’s a common enough question?

WantsTheBraincell:

Why can’t this chat stay on topic for more than a second

LostTheBraincell:

Shut the f*ck up mr “let’s talk about katana upkeep for three and a half hours in the main chat with other BORING versions of myself and refuse to leave”

WantsTheBraincell:

That’s interesting and off topic

Proving my point that you are a pest

LostTheBraincell:

*sticks out tongue*

WantsTheBraincell:

This is why you lost the braincell

Donatello:

Oh sweet shell what did I miss here?

Bootyyyshaker9000:

A stowaway

Cheese:

damn I felt the chills reading that

ur very good

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Why thank you

Bootyyyclapper9000:

Don’t make his forehead grow more

HasTheBraincell:

@Cheese video call? Otherwise we might have to kick you

~~Electro~~:

We’ve seen his face don’t kick the great cheese!!1!!1

CaptainLeo:

Whoever is beatboxing in the asmr chat could you get out

Wait who is this

Cheese:

Hey, I’m Michel Angelo!

I mean I haven’t figured out a last name yet so imma split my name in half but you get me! I bet ur a Leo

CaptainLeo:

Hello?

Bootyyyclapper9000:

ANOTHER MIKEY

MORE

hey wasssup im the cool Leo and honorary mikey

Raphael:

Try again

HasTheBraincell:

@Cheese

Cheese:

right right right

u give big Donnie vibes but like

in a midlife crisis

LostTheBraincell:

[Photo ID: Donny with his head in his hands. In the background, you can see Rafa sprawled out on the floor, covered in chopsticks.]

You broke him

Cheese:

[Livestream recording]

[For a moment it is just a dark room, until Michel pokes his head halfway into frame. A second later, he moves out of frame completely, only to pop back in on another side. He does this a few more times before giggling.]

WantsTheBraincell:

What happened to Rafa

LostTheBraincell:

Don’t worry about it

Donatello:

Yep, that’s a Michelangelo all right!

f*ck:

wheres alternate me

Red:

Hello new Mikey!

Cheese:

[Michel suddenly pops back into frame, zoomed very close to his camera. He smiles widely.

“Hey Red! Probably the best greeting I’ve had after I was bullied for stopping social injustice for real.” He pauses, reading the messages. “Yes, I’ve seen all the PSAs I know bullying when I see it.”

WantsTheBraincell:

That wasn’t bullying

~~Electro~~:

Omg called out

Leonardo:

Well I wasn’t expecting this quite yet, but it’s always a welcome surprise

Raphael:

I really don’t know how everyone is going to fit into one chapter at this rate

I_Crave_Chemcials:

Congratulations, Cheese, you have the all clear

Mikey, on the other hand

~~Electro~~:

I forgot to tell you?

f*ck:

Someone play really loud music to wake his brothers up

WantsTheBraincell:

Ok who just started a petition to kick me off the chat

Donatello:

I think adding the poll feature was a bad idea

LostTheBraincell:

No no it is the best thing on here

f*ck:

always happy to start a riot against a Leo

~~Electro~~:

[Voice note: “I Am (All Of Me)” from Shadow The Hedgehog starts playing as loud as possible]

I AM

Cheese:

[Michel jumps when the music starts blasting, and then starts muttering “shoot shoot shoot” over and over as he tries to shut it off. Eventually he gives up and starts making a strange static sound with his throat.

“I’m making quiet noises!” He hisses when he looks down at the messages before continuing.

“What the heck?” Someone says from next to him sleepily. There’s a yelp, and a faint silhouette of someone else falling out of their bed in a scramble of sheets.

“WHO AM I STABBING?” A final voice screams. A sai flies through the air and embeds itself into the ground.

As the noise continues, loud squabbling erupts from all of the siblings in the room.

“Mikey, what the heck is that, it’s like 3am –“

“Um a YouTube advert?”

“What kind of YouTube advert –“

“Is everyone okay? Should we be panicking? Is –“

“Where’s my sai?! I’m going to stab it right through that phone if you don’t –“

“Why do you sleep with your sai man, I think you have a problem –“

“Mikey are you starting your Emo phase now or?”

“Wait is that discord? Why do you have discord and joined a server without us? Do you know the amount of fat middle aged sad men –“

“No, come on, gross –“

“You’re face is gross –“

“Turn it off!”

“That’s it, I’m smashing it –“

There’s suddenly a blur of green and the livestream cuts off]

Bootyyyclapper9000:

what did u just DO

~~Electro~~:

Too much

LostTheBraincell:

I AM ALL OF ME

HasTheBraincell:

@Cheese?

~MagicMike~:

I think he’s dead

Raphael:

Wanna bet who was the Leo there?

f*ck:

What, the one that was squarkin like a big mama bird??? Naaaah

CaptainLeo:

I am not a mother hen

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Denial

~~Electro~~:

Denial is a river in egipt –

Donatello:

*Egypt

CaptainLeo:

I’m sick of this debate

Raphael:

At least our Leo somewhat admits it

But only in rare circ*mstances

Leonardo:

I do not mother you! I just need to check you’re okay every hour or so, just to make sure nothing is wrong!

Bootyyyclapper9000:

Blorb

Wild ur raph isnt mothr hen

LittleMike:

(Oh he most definitely is amigo)

Donatello:

Those two are a force to be reckoned with

Raphael:

Yeah yeah say what you want but I don’t believe you

Red:

I don’t think I’m that bad

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Speaking of bets, I believe the one who stabbed (?) the phone and tried to attack basically every though could be a Raph

LostTheBraincell:

Could be?

~~Electro~~:

I dunno donnie can be feral

Red:

Raph agrees with that

Purple bites

I_Crave_Chemicals:

An enthusiasm for science does not correlate to feral behaviour

Leonardo:

I’m not sure, I’ve seen @LostTheBraincell and still believe he’s somewhat rabid

LostTheBraincell:

Omg thanks <3

CaptainLeo:

Donnie I saw you whispering to a canister of uranium today

Shut it

Cheese:

Hdgajsiso dhehiaowoww

Dn

meeg

~~Electro~~:

meeg

AteTheBraincell:

What the f*ck

Donatello:

He’s trying to make contact

CaptainLeo:

Is music playing downstairs right now?

Wrong chat

Question still stands

HasTheBraincell:

@Red purple bites?

Is that because of his soft shell DNA

Red:

Probably

But also it is probably purple being a stroppy middle child

~MagicMike~:

Damn I heard that hiss from the kitchen

LostTheBraincell:

I don’t think I could imagine Don being the feral flavoured turtle like ever

I mean he does some slightly impulsive things

HasTheBraincell:

I told you I panicked

WantsTheBraincell:

Angelo you’re just a bad influence

There’s a reason there’s a ban on you being together alone with him

~MagicMike~:

[Photo ID: Purple is biting down on Red’s arm. Red doesn’t seem to be in pain or surprised, only giving the camera an unimpressed look whilst his arm is hovering in the air, so Purple is dangling rather than on the ground.]

Feral teetle

LittleMike:

RED YOURE HUMONGOUS

SUPER RADICAL

Cheese:

so

they found out

~~Electro~~:

Ur alive!

Cheese:

Trade offer

I_Crave_Chemicals:

No

AteTheBraincell:

Who the f*ck is this

Raphael:

You are a chapter behind, buddy, catch up

Donatello:

Now isn’t the time for wall breaking!

f*ck:

You all need to shut up with that freaky sh*t

Cheese:

I invite my brothers

I dont die

Bootyyyclapper9000:

Thats not a trade offer

Cheese:

Hnng

soup

>@Cheese has added three members to the chat<

WantsTheBraincell:

Wait

Egg:

YO ITS REAL

I KNEW ANIME GOT IT RIGHT FR

Bacon:

Shut up and get your nerd crap outta here

Egg:

oh you did not

Bacon:

oH yOu DiD nOT

Bread:

Omg omg omg omg omg

its real? just like marvel said it would be???

HasTheBraincell:

Hello!

Egg:

u better be a Donatello because lets be honest we are the only ones with the brain cells around here

though the user interface design could use a bit more improvement here

What is this, a discord rip off??? No drip

Bread:

You gotta stop telling people they got no drip as soon as they meet you man

f*ck:

What is this

What the f*ck is this

Leonardo:

How do you manage to be so loud over text?

Bacon:

I can be louder than that

[Voice note: just loud screaming from Raph]

Beat that I dare u cowards

Leonardo:

Donatello don’t you dare

Donatello:

Challenge accepted

One moment

LittleMike:

I’m getting out the blast zone dudes

LostTheBraincell:

This is beautifully chaotic

Raphael:

Beautiful for you, demon of chaos

WantsTheBraincell:

Ok who’s who here

Red:

I’m getting a headache

Egg:

I’m Donatello, duh

But call me donnie or Deez

Leonardo:

Deez?

Egg:

DEEZ NUTZ

~MagicMike~:

*dies*

Leonardo:

?

AteTheBraincell:

Get out

Bacon:

OOOH

Bread:

You seriously didn’t just fall for that

Cheese:

I can feel the shame from here bro!

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Speaking of falls, did you @Bread fall flat on your face a few minutes ago

Bread

No

Cheese:

(yes)

Egg:

they probably could hear that squeal from multiverses away when you ate dirt

HasTheBraincell:

It’s happening all over again

LostTheBraincell:

Ate sh*t

~~Electro~~:

[Voice note: I Am (All of Me) playing stupidly loud again]

~MagicMike~:

MY EARS

Raphael:

Are these kids actually 12

Bread:

my voice doesnt squeal!!!

Cheese:

Denial is a river in Egypt –

~~Electro~~:

U STOLE MY JOKE

WE NOW FIGHT

Bacon:

FINALLY A FIGHT

LostTheBraincell:

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

Cheese:

wait I need to do a kahoot on who will win

hold up

Bread:

your kahoot suck man

CaptainLeo:

I can’t hear myself think

Cheese:

nah you did not just say that

Egg:

i mean

HasTheBraincell:

I’m going to mute them soon

This is too much

Egg:

thats actually rude

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Ok I am assuming @Bacon is a Raphael, @Egg is a Donatello and @Bread is a Leonardo?

Bacon:

oh wait theres a asmr channel on here????

CaptainLeo:

STAY AWAY

Egg:

@Bootyyyshaker9000 wtf is that username

LostTheBraincell:

How do you set the rules for a virtual fight

~~Electro~~:

Punch the camera really hard and it would send a shockwave across the multiverse duh

I_Crave_Chemicals:

They’re children

Literal children

>@Egg has been put in The Isolation Chamber by @Bootyyyshaker9000 for forever<

Bread:

DONNIE

LostTheBraincell:

NO

EGG

Cheese:

EEEEGGGGGG

Bread:

Actually mod bias

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Do you want to be next

LostTheBraincell:

Watch out for this Donatello

(He’s stinky and has a long snoot)

>@LostTheBraincell has been put in The Isolation Chamber by @Bootyyyshaker9000 for forever<

Cheese:

how could you take down a fellow Mike???

Bread:

This guy has an ego issue

Bootyyyclapper9000:

tthank u child me I have been trying to tell everyone that 4 yrs

HasTheBraincell:

I think we need to take a step back here

~~Electro~~:

Nah I wanna take a step forward

Who wanted to fight me?

Donatello:

[Voice note: a literal explosion, loud enough to cut out after a couple of seconds]

Cheese:

MY EAR HOLE THINGS

OW OW OW

CaptainLeo:

What was THAT

Donatello:

I was louder :)

Bacon:

respect

WantsTheBraincell:

No, not respect?

AteTheBraincell:

I think I saw my life flash before my eyes

~MagicMike~:

I’m actually dead

~~Electro~~:

Do it again

Bacon:

wanna see me try and get louder than that cuz i could

Raphael:

This was a horrible mistake

Chapter 12: Yogurt

Chapter Text

>> Meenage Mutant Neetle Teetles <<

Egg:

Hhnng

yogurt

Raphael:

Ew I forgot you existed

Egg:

yogurt

Raphael:

I can’t tell whether that’s a complement or not

Bread:

No yogurt

Egg:

Yog

Urt

Bootyyyclapper9000:

R u havin a strokee

Egg:

Says u

Bootyyyclapper9000:

Actually ableist

@Red im getting bulllied

Red:

Who dares

Egg:

Yogurt?

Bread:

No yogurt

Raphael:

I think I’m experiencing a lucid dream

HasTheBraincell:

I am now craving yogurt thanks

Bacon:

donnie actually shut up man

CaptainLeo:

Is he okay??

Bread:

No yogurt

Egg:

Yog

Raphael:

I’m transcending

~MagicMike~:

Theoretically if I needed to hide a body what would I do

Or along the lines of a body

Wait wrong chat

Red:

Wait what did you just say??

Raphael:

Is yogurt that important?

Egg:

YOGURT

Bread:

NO YOGURT

HasTheBraincell:

@~MagicMike~ do I need to be concerned?

AteTheBraincell:

Wait wait wait is Mike in the isolation chamber again

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Yes

So is my Raph

Leonardo:

It’s very strange seeing a Michelangelo so different from mine

I mean

[Photo ID: a picture of Michelangelo, clearly sitting next to Leonardo in the picture, sticking out his tongue as he is threading what looks like loom bands (multicoloured small rubber bands) together in a bracelet. There are several all around him, and at least ten up his arms already in various colour schemes.]

Someone gave him these loom band things? He hasn’t stopped all day!

~MagicMike~:

You’re welcome!

Bootyyyclapper9000:

Actually dying

I need to collect him

AteTheBraincell:

What did I miss @I_Crave_Chemicals I gotta know

For blackmail

WantsTheBraincell:

He and Raph managed to break the server by playing multiple streams of the national anthem but on a kazoo

I left soon after that

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Raph then took my phone and changed the admin commands

So I’m sorry that there are now 2067 petitions asking to turn all Leos into a wet flannel

Bootyyyshaker9000:

I signed all of them

@~MagicMike~ I have a 20 page document that you should read on that

Cheese:

I actually think the kazoo anthem sounded lovely

Bread:

Ur tone deaf man

U dont count

Cheese:

Shut up bread

Egg:

Yogurt?

Raphael:

Are we in a time loop

Why the yogurt

Bread:

He’s sulking because we ran out of his favourite yogurt

WantsTheBraincell:

[Photo ID: Angelo is hanging from the ceiling on a rope, his face inches from Don’s, who is looking down at his phone as if Angelo isn’t there.]

He wants attention

AteTheBraincell:

Currently signing all the wet flannel polls

Bacon:

Personally id say Leo is more of a cold chicken nugget

Bread:

What does that even mean

Bootyyyclapper9000:

K who tf calling me a cold chicken nugget imma beat ur ass

Bacon:

U CAN TRY

U WANNA GO

~~Electro~~:

Why is this feral Raph existing rn

Bootyyyclapper9000:

U gonna die istg

I do not mind puntingg a child

WantsTheBraincell:

@AteTheBraincell I will get out the spray if you do

Cheese:

Spray?

Egg:

Ok like who is not letting me have admin commands square up square up

Bootyyyshaker9000:

I took them off you, you are a child who likes k-pop and insulted me

Admin revoked

Donatello:

I am mildly curious about how much this new dimension likes fighting people

Cheese:

im still on bed rest but I can cheer yall on!

ive been practicing my hype man speeches!

Bacon:

@Bootyyyclapper9000 to make it a fair fight I will chop off my own arm and prove I can still mollywhop you back to pre mutation

FIGHT ME

Egg:

@Bootyyyshaker9000

Oh you did not just imply that k-pop was bad

I bet you can’t even dance that well

Bootyyyshaker9000:

You take that back you weeb

Red:

Please don’t fight a child

Leonardo:

Please don’t fight a child

Raphael:

Please fight a child

AteTheBraincell:

Please fight a child

HasTheBraincell:

Ok these polls were a mistake, I’m stopping them

~~Electro~~:

NO

ACTUALLY BUZZKILL

~MagicMike~:

These polls are a work of art I’ll have you know

HasTheBraincell:

[Photo ID: a screenshot of the admin screen, with over 100 notifications just on polls people have started. The most recent one is “kicking a child: educational or traumatising?”. You can see the start of another one behind it which just reads “okay but cold chicken nuggets???”]

I am way too underpaid to deal with this

~~Electro~~:

You cannot silence the important questions

Egg:

i hope you know i made a bot for the turtle petting zoo one, it now has over 10,000 votes in favour, ur welcome

Bacon:

Nerd emoji fr

Cheese:

I would so dig a turtle petting zoo

You got my vote

Bread:

Mikey you vote yes on everything

Cheese:

I like to be a positive influence

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Update: I am now fighting a child in roblox

Red:

I’ve told you to stop billing the kids in roblox

Please

Bacon:

Naaaahh theres no way ur a raph

WantsTheBraincell:

I don’t know, my Raph keeps collecting kids he finds on the streets

AteTheBraincell:

I don’t

HasTheBraincell:

Last week you had a tea party with that girl until her mom picked her up

AteTheBraincell:

I’m going to shove a candle down your throat

Egg:

@Bacon can u do this

Bacon:

I’m going to bite you

HasTheBraincell:

Why are you all on permanent fighting settings

Donatello:

Is there a switch?

HasTheBraincell:

We should actually ask some basic questions though, like pictures and ages

Standard procedure stuff

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Good idea! We have our versions pinned already

Bread:

Ok that sounds like a good idea! This whole concept is still so wild man

I am literally living in a sci fi movie right now it’s so awesome

Raphael:

What, was being a giant mutated turtle not enough?

Egg:

Is sarcasm your only personality?

Raphael:

It’s certainly the most marketable, squirt

My action figures look a lot better than yours buddy

Leonardo:

Ignore him, he breaks the fourth wall when he’s insecure

LittleMike:

Wait more little dudes! Mondo cool!!!

[Photo ID: a picture of Michelangelo and Leonardo. Michelangelo is taking the picture, his other hand waving so fast it’s just a blur on the screen. Leonardo is also grinning with a long necklace made from the colourful bands Michelangelo is using hung around his neck. In the background, you can see Donatello casually walking past with his mask on fire, sipping on coffee.]

This is us saying hi <3

Bootyyyclapper9000:

[Photo ID: the picture is purposefully trying to mimic the one that Michelangelo just sent, but it’s much more chaotic. Blue is grinning at the camera, his phone on a selfie stick that has been taped to the stub of his arm. Orange is next to him, but instead of smiling at the camera he is holding a fire extinguisher out and is about to use it on Purple, who’s mask is on fire along with his goggles. Purple seems uncaring of this fact, glaring at Blue as he sips on a coffee mug at least five times the size of a regular coffee mug.]

Omg family times

WantsTheBraincell:

Is Purple going to have a heart attack

Cheese:

Omg slay

Egg:

@Bread im getting the picture u only have really bad ones

~~Electro~~:

Good to know a Leo is sh*t at technology whatever multiverse

Cheese:

We don’t look that glamourised rn but we can get a kinda recent one for u if thats cool?

AteTheBraincell:

Wtf happened to you all

Cheese:

Eh we fought a Godzilla rip off and I got milked

HasTheBraincell:

Milked??

~~Electro~~:

Run that back real quick??

~MagicMike~:

I don’t think any version of us gets a break

That’s depressing

Leonardo:

Are you guys all ok?? We can send a few things over with the multiverse mail if you want!

~~Electro~~:

*whispers* mama leo strikes

~MagicMike~:

*nods, nods*

Egg:

Ay yo u got a mama leo too???

Get rekt leo lol

Bread:

You guys overreact

WantsTheBraincell:

It’s better to just accept it at this point

AteTheBraincell:

[Photo ID: A picture of Angelo perched on the armrest of a worn sofa. He is staring directly at Leo, a few inches from his face. Leo is reading a book, a slightly amused smile curling at his beak]

Look at this attention seeking rat

He wants back in the chat

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Look, a minute ago he tried to argue his case by burping the alphabet

He lost

Egg:

[Photo ID: Donnie, Leo, Mikey and Raph all gathered around their splinter in a family photo, grinning at the camera. Mikey is pulling a funny face, and Raph is stabbing his sais into the air.]

Thats from like a year ago

~~Electro~~:

Omg imagine still having a dad

CaptainLeo:

Mikey stop

~~Electro~~:

I deserve the dead dad joke pass

HasTheBraincell:

Can we steer away from the topic, thanks

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Segway, was your dad human at any point?

Bread:

No?

Bacon:

He’s just a random rat

AteTheBraincell:

Finally, another point to the rat origins

Cheese:

Gotta fill me in on the tea man

~~Electro~~:

JUST A RAT

LIKE LITERALLY

NOTHING TO DO WITH YOSHI??

Not ringing a bell???

Egg:

Nah just a rat??? What do u want him to be

Donatello:

Basically most of our Splinters were humans who got mutated into rats, unless you were universe 2003 and now you!

Very curious

~~Electro~~:

He was just a random rat

HasTheBraincell:

Huh, haven’t heard that one before

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Update: I made a child cry on roblox

Red:

DONNIE

Egg:

Wait human????

Lolololol

Well uh

Bread:

Yeah our dad kindahateshumansbecausetheyaredemonscumoftheearth

Raphael:

Bless you

Cheese:

No one tell dad he could be part human

Egg:

i dont think hes gonna just randomly be part human now because the multiverse exists

Cheese:

u dont know that

~MagicMike~:

Deeeee shuggieees

Raphael:

Is everyone drunk on here

Leonardo:

I’m drowning in bracelets help

Red:

orange is low sugar and texted the wrong area

emergency sugar engaged

~~Electro~~:

omg sh*t metabolism buds

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Say no??

Bootyyyclapper9000:

Like u don’t store alll of oranges drawings in your skakagwiqqooanvccs hdjsq

Egg:

Damn dude got sniped

Donatello:

[Video Recording:

Donatello is chuckling lightly as he zooms in on Raphael, who is making a sandwich. He doesn’t notice Michelangelo running forward, covered in brackets and necklaces, with his hands full of a bunch of red themed ones. He stops in from of Raphael, who looks up.

“Here you go! I made you a bunch because I wanted you to like, feel totally hyped! Do you like them? I tried to get your colours down, dude, because I know red is totally your thing!”

Raphael blinks owlishly as at least 20 bracelets are dumped into his hands. He looks up again, trying to sound nonchalant when he says:

“Yeah, I think they’re great! Thanks!”

Michelangelo beams, turning around and running back to his messy workspace. Raphael states back down at the gifts, a hand over his heart with a soft smile.

[Video Ends]

Rare footage of Raphael being a softie

Bootyyyclapper9000:

ADOPT ADOPT ADOPT

I_Crave_Chemicals:

[Photo ID: a picture of Raph, who currently has Mikey in a headlock and trying to force his head into a grimy sewer puddle]

The difference is night and day

Cheese:

Aww Raph softie fr

Bacon:

Im two seconds away from stabbing all of u

Egg:

See hes such a softie

Bootyyyshaker9000:

I have now successfully bullied five children on roblox

Red:

Istg

~~Electro~~:

*salutes*

Chapter 13: Oh, Therapy Exists?

Chapter Text

>> VIDEO CHAT - The Therapy Corner We Need But Refuse To Use <<

[Voice chat loading]

[Connection secured]

[Loading participants]

Two screens flicker to life: the first revealing Orange in a sweater and circular glasses, and the other revealing a live feed of the 2012 lair, with Donnie fiddling with the controls.

Orange coughs, shuffling a stack of papers and pulling out a remote that he points off screen. A second later, a PowerPoint with the title “HOW TO FIX THE BONDS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS: A GUIDE ON EXPRESSING FEELINGS AND SUPPORTING YOUR BROTHERS” lights up.

“What the…?” Donnie moves away from his screen, revealing that Leo and Raph are strapped to chairs facing the camera. Mikey stands to a corner, oddly unsure but determined. Leo mumbles as he awakes, tugging the ropes around his wrists. “Donnie? Why –“

“Hello, and welcome to your first therapy session with Dr Feelings!” Orange chimes, drawing attention to him. “This week we are starting small, as you can see by the 103 slides –“

“Therapy?” Leo wriggles more in his chair, giving a nervous smile. “I don’t think that’s –“

“Do not interrupt my seminar unless you want to face Dr Delicate Touch, young man.” Orange snaps with a sharp smile. A moment later her coughs, and composes himself again. “Anyway, this week’s theme is: talk it out.”

“Talk…” Leo turns to Donnie, then spots Mikey hanging back shyly in the background. Raph begins to wake, blearily looking at the screen. “Donnie? Mikey? Did you…?”

“It’s…it’s been a long time coming, bro.” Mikey says, stepping forward. “We gotta fix a few things.”

“Wha…” Raph mouths the title of the presentation, eyes widening. “No – LET ME OUT!” He begins to yell curses as he rocks in his chair, but the ropes hold him fast.

Donnie watches him for a second, unamused, before turning back to Orange.

“Me and Mikey helped organise this session after we got talking about our own issues in my lab.” The genius sighs, looking back at Leo and Raph. “I personally don’t want to see us keep moving apart like this, not anymore.”

“And that’s where I come in!” Orange, or Dr Feelings, says. “I will be your personal therapist –“

“You are literally a child, what the f*ck –“ Raph says before slamming his head on the back of the chair. Orange huffs.

“Then why am I the more mature one here, please explain, short Raphael.”

“You son of a –“

“Are we really…” Leo’s eyes are downcast, but look up at Mikey as if seeing him for the first time. “Mikey, I –“

“Let’s begin.” Orange cuts in smoothly. Raph swears, very loudly.

>>Meenage Mutant Ninja Teetles <<

Bootyyyshaker9000:

I must inform everyone, for their own safety, that a therapy session is in progress and so it must not be interrupted or else suffer in severe pain.

WantsTheBraincell:

Excuse me?

LostTheBraincell:

A therapy session without all the Leonardos?

Fake

Cheese:

i have just been informed that @LostTheBraincell is the tallest in the family can i have this confirmed please please please

Red:

Orange gets very serious when he’s in Dr Feelings mode

Raphael:

That doesn’t answer any questions

Thanks

Donatello:

Wait, really?

There’s no way a Michelangelo is taller, I refuse to believe it

AteTheBraincell:

Lies

Slander

Cheese:

LEO IS THE SHORTEST SKSKAHAKAK

Bread:

??

WantsTheBraincell:

Whoever your source is needs to run

HasTheBraincell:

It is true, yes

Angelo had a growth spurt

Took all the tall out of Leo

Bootyyyshaker9000:

@Raphael Orange has a few personas he adopts

Trust me you do not want to cross any of them

Dr Rude made Red cry for a week

Bacon:

HA

Bread:

Hey hey hey just because one leo is the shortest doesnt mean I will be???

Cheese:

No thats how it works

Have fun being the little brother a year from now

WantsTheBraincell:

I’m not that short

AteTheBraincell:

Says the 5’5 turtle

WantsTheBraincell:

I’m getting out the spray

AteTheBraincell:

You won’t take me alive this time

Raphael:

Dr Rude sounds like a fella I would like

Leonardo:

Shortest?

Wait why will I suffer if I go to therapy

Bootyyyclapper9000:

f*ck therapy shank a bitch

Ayyy bestie I did not know u were the tallest

can confirm I am taller than purple

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Lies

Slander

I have half an inch on you

Cheese:

I am the shortest

I weep

Raph was lowkey a chungus kid tho like he was HUGE

Bacon:

YEAH

Leonardo:

I think we are the same height to be honest

Easier for animation

LostTheBraincell:

Can I see the giant baby

Also

[Photo ID: a picture of Angelo standing next to Leo in what seems to be an abandoned fair ground. Mikey is clearly taller than Leo, holding a bag of candy floss out of reach with a grin]

Proof

Bacon:

@Bread thats u in a week

HasTheBraincell:

Don’t think that’s how growth spurts work

WantsTheBraincell:

[Photo ID: the photo seems to be taken a second after the first one Angelo sent. Leo is mid kicking Angelo to the ground, snatching the candy floss from his hand as he does so. You can see Don in the background carrying an entire pony figure from a carousel]

Cheese:

man got destroyed damn

AteTheBraincell:

He got a concussion and we had to head back early

HasTheBraincell:

I never got to try and dismantle the claw machine

Leonardo:

I’m sorry but why are you carrying half a fair ride???

HasTheBraincell:

I wanted a mascot in the shell sub

His name is John now

LostTheBraincell:

He’s family

Bacon:

Seeing a tiny Leo is the best day of my life fr

Bread:

Dude people get growth spurts all the time

Im not gonna be the shortest

Bootyyyclapper9000:

@Bootyyyshaker9000 u r wrong

He lies dontt listen to him

Raphael:

Denial?

Donatello:

I think I may have broken the fabric of reality again

LostTheBraincell:

@Cheese @Bread @Bacon @Egg CHUNKY BABY CHUNKY BABY

HasTheBraincell:

Please don’t? Break reality?

Donatello:

Just for a bit of fun, it’s okay!

Red:

Should Raph be concerned

Egg:

K fr who is trapped in therapy

Nardo has enough anxiety to qualify let him join

Bread:

Stfu

Egg:

Ooh Im so scared

What r u gonna do

Cry at me

Leonardo:

I wouldn’t worry, reality breaking is an average Saturday

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Can I break the fabric of reality

Pretty please

Red:

NO

Cheese:

[Photo ID: a picture of Raph as a turtle tot, eating a plate]

CHONK CHONK CHONK CHONK CHONK

LostTheBraincell:

DAMN LOOK AT HIM

HES HUGE

AteTheBraincell:

That baby is 90% mouth wtf

Egg:

CHONK CHONK CHONK

And I would also like to break reality???

And let me be an admin

Bread:

@Egg u have a hatsune miku body pillow u cant talk

Bootyyyclapper9000:

HATSUNE MIKU IS THAT YOU

Raphael:

Should I be concerned

WantsTheBraincell:

Every sentence makes me mildly concerned or disgusted I wouldn’t worry

LostTheBraincell:

Someone’s pissed because they’re shorter than the youngest

Egg:

oh no u did not just expose me for clout

Im doxxing u

Bread:

We live in the same house???

Bootyyyclapper9000:

*sewer

Cheese:

I now have hope I will be the superior sibling

Bacon:

Wrong

Donatello:

Crisis averted

I hit it with a hammer

HasTheBraincell:

How do you hit a tear in reality with a hammer

Cheese:

get a wikihow tutorial up

Raphael:

Wait we have a therapy corner??

Bootyyyclapper9000:

Omg i just tried to enter and got screamed at by orange

@Red burrito him

Leonardo:

Burrito?

WantsTheBraincell:

@LostTheBraincell I just saw you put that plastic baby in that mug get it out

AteTheBraincell:

NOT AGAIN

Egg:

Wait so u never have specified ages too much

Me and leo or Raph are twins tho apparently???

Bacon:

Actually throwing up rn

LittleMike:

Wait really? Do you want help?

Leonardo:

Figure of speech

LittleMike:

Oh, right on dude thanks <3

Bootyyyshaker9000:

I am unfortunately a twin with this train wreck of a Leo, yes

Who is refusing to let me check on his shell, he said angrily and snidely

Bootyyyclapper9000:

Eep

K im coming bruh

Scatter mind

HasTheBraincell:

I’m sometimes twins with Rafa depending on the day and mood

Angelo is actually about 6 months to a year behind, we’ve discovered recently. He was hatched later, I can only guess

Cheese:

Youngest in spirit

And I’m the shortest

Bread:

Actually u did start speaking and stuff later

U might be a little younger idk

Cheese:

Sobbing rn

Leonardo:

Wait what happened to Blues shell?

Bootyyyclapper9000:

Uuuu

Beat the sh*t out of

Been a yearr and fixing though!!!

1/10 dont recommend

Red:

Ignore him joking is his coping mechanism

LostTheBraincell:

So uh do all Leos have anxiety but are in denial or

WantsTheBraincell:

I’m not in denial

LostTheBraincell:

Only taken like 10 years

Egg:

Dude literally spent an hour packing his pencil case ready for school yesterday lol

We don’t start for a while yet

Raphael:

Hold up

School??

Bootyyyshaker9000:

School?

Gasp!

HasTheBraincell:

Wait, you’re going to school? Oh wow!

So does your world accept mutants? I hope it’s as fun as it looks!

AteTheBraincell:

Unlucky oof

LostTheBraincell:

Imagine me and Rafa going to school

WantsTheBraincell:

I’d rather not

Egg:

u give the vibes that youd eat the floorboards within the first hour for fibre

And yea

Took a bit but we going as soon as we healed up

LostTheBraincell:

I do love a good floorboard too crunch on

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Take me with you

Red:

Purple you get banned from every place you step foot in

No

Bootyyyshaker9000:

I’m just too good for them

Raphael:

Buddy that isn’t how it works

Leonardo:

Our society accepts mutants for the most part

Some still hate us

Took a lot of misses to get there

Raphael:

It only takes that “some” to do permanent damage though

You need to be careful

Cheese:

@Bootyyyshaker9000 out here playing bingo for getting banned from places

Red:

10 and counting

Donatello:

That’s impressive

AteTheBraincell :

How the hell are Don and Purple alternates

Purple acts like Angelo

HasTheBraincell:

I would hate to be banned from anywhere

LostTheBraincell:

Yes but society doesn’t accept you so why should you accept rules of society

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Yes I love your thought process you are now my closest friend

Bootyyyclapper9000:

Hey stop stealling my bff f*ck off

One arm only

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Let me get my chainsaw

Red:

Omw to burrito you both

Cheese:

Preach

WantsTheBraincell:

Please don’t encourage him

I apologise for his behaviour again

Donatello:

I do love a little bit of mischief here and there I will admit

AteTheBraincell:

What, like ripping a hole in physics?

Good times

Donatello:

Yep!

Bootyyyshaker9000:

I will not be burritoed you hesyikkka hhgggvmkee e

Egg:

Oof

Cheese:

May I please be burritoed it sounds amazing

Red:

[Photo ID: Purple is wrapped tight in a blanket so only his head is visible. He is scowling.]

LostTheBraincell:

That looks great and horrible at the same time

Like warm but, no movement would make me explode

Cheese:

Fr?

AteTheBraincell:

Yeah they have a habit of spontaneously combusting

Very sad

Leonardo:

My Michelangelo is the same

Can’t stay still

LittleMike:

But why stay still when you can keep moving???

Raphael:

He’s got a point

Egg:

This smells very adhd

Bread:

Dude what does that even mean

AteTheBraincell:

Ha Mike you stink

LostTheBraincell:

Look in the mirror

Egg:

Epic rap battle

LostTheBraincell:

Adhd vs autism

WantsTheBraincell:

Please do not do another rap battle on this

Please

Cheese:

Wait let me get some popcorn real quick

WantsTheBraincell:

No

Chapter 14: Macaroni

Chapter Text

>>Meenage Tutant Karate Teetles<<

WantsTheBraincell:

Whoever is changing the name of this chat, you’re not funny

CaptainLeo:

Same said about whoever is playing the Russian anthem in the asmr vc

I was trying to relax and got blasted with ear rape

Bootyyyclapper9000:

Omg the depresso espressos are back

Egg:

T e a

Raphael:

What does that even mean?

Egg:

Y u using full punctuation

Old

AteTheBraincell:

Finally another universe is called old that isnt us

Leonardo:

Sorry to interrupt but we may have a little disagreement in the Leo chat

WantsTheBraincell:

It’s not a disagreement if you’re wrong

Bacon:

Facts

Egg:

Daaaamn the salt

Cheese:

So much salt my mouth is getting dry man

HasTheBraincell:

Okay I’ll bite, that is the most passive aggressive I’ve ever seen Leo in a while

Bootyyyclapper9000:

Not thisss again ffs

Leonardo:

Star Wars or Star Trek?

Everyone

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Oh boy

AteTheBraincell:

@HasTheBraincell says the saltiest turtle

I remember leo telling about how you were a mini guard dog when he got poisoned in the nexus

Raphael:

When he what now???

HasTheBraincell:

Untrue

Turning topic away, obviously Star Trek

All my brothers have loved it since we were kids

WantsTheBraincell:

Exactly

It’s better

Leonardo:

No, it’s not

LostTheBraincell:

I’m going to eat your toes

You did not

Bacon:

Imagine being a nerd

Bread:

I like them both!!

I mean its sci fi

Its not nerdy to like sci fi actually

Bacon:

This is why you got demoted to “bread”

AteTheBraincell:

Aw hell nah

WantsTheBraincell:

Don?

HasTheBraincell:

Okay yep, let’s get the presentation out

Live stream it

Bootyyyclapper9000:

No

NO WAY U HAVCE A PRESENTATOIN LOL

@Bootyyyshaker9000 get here

Cheese:

wait let me get the popcorn dammit

no one ever lets me get it

Egg:

dude we dont have popcorn

LittleMike:

I like em both too!! Can’t we all just be bros about it??

Leonardo:

There’s no way any stupid presentation is going to persuade me

Egg:

*queue kitchen nightmares sound effect*

LostTheBraincell:

You are going to regret those words

HasTheBraincell:

[Live stream recording]

[The camera focuses in on an old looking whiteboard with pieces of paper placed onto it. The paper looks old, like it was created a few years ago. Beside the whiteboard, Don is holding his bō staff like a pointer at the first sheet of paper. His brothers are all lined up next to him, stood straight and deadly serious.

“Remember what we discussed in rehearsal.” Leo murmurs softly before Don clears his throat, beginning to speak.

“Hello, today myself, my brothers and Mikey will be informing the uneducated on why Star Trek is the best science fiction franchise, especially compared to that of “Star Wars.” We will discuss why you are wrong for twenty minutes, then stop for any questions.” Donny nods, and Mikey, with a flourish, flips over the first sheet of paper to reveal the second one underneath. It has a picture of the Star Trek original series poster, clearly crayoned in some places by younger hands. He begins to discuss the characters in detail.]

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Well this is educational, not going to lie

Raphael:

Leonardo eat your heart out, my buddy

LittleMike:

Should we fight back with our own presentation? Is that a thing?

Bread:

Ok ok

Liking it so far

Bacon:

Bro really listenin to a talk on a super old tv show like

Bootyyyclapper9000:

Im wheezing sksksk

Leonardo:

Oh come on, none of this is true

HasTheBraincell:

[The live stream continues.

After discussing his section, Don takes a step back and hands the staff to Leo.

“And now Leonardo would like to go through a plot breakdown of all classic episodes, and how they easily surpass the weak structure of Star Wars.” He says.]

Raphael:

This is really happening isn’t it

Donatello:

I think I can whip up a machine to make a counter presentation in time

It can have lazers!

LittleMike:

I’ll get the glitter amigo

You always need glitter

Cheese:

I respect that statement

I do love glitter

Bootyyyclapper9000:

Im seeing no jupitr Jim rep

Sobbing

I_Crave_Chemicals:

Trying to bond as a family here

And this is going on

Raphael:

Don’t scroll up it was worse than this an hour ago

Bacon:

@Cheese u eat glitter

Cheese:

I like to scran a good bottle of glitter for breakfast ngl

Raphael:

How are you not dead

Egg:

Every Leo @ us

Leonardo:

This is ridiculous!

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Hush all of you

Bacon:

Nerds over here really be silencing us

LittleMike:

@I_Crave_Chemicals family bonding? Does that mean it all worked out for you bros?

I hope so, I didn’t like seeing you all so mondo upset it got me down too

HasTheBraincell:

[Leo finishes talking. Don steps forward again, gesturing to Rafa.

“And now, Raphael’s piece: ‘why Star Wars sucks’” he announces. Angelo enthusiastically flips the sheet of paper back to reveal a picture of the Millennium Falcon underneath, with red crayon squiggles all over it. Rafa steps forward, cracking his knuckles.

“See that? See that sh*t?!” He points angrily to the picture. “That sh*t got nothin’ on the Enterprise. Look at it. It’s dumb. It’s sh*t, it looks like it belongs in a reduced Walmart section, or a bad tourist trap, it’s got these stupid little…things! Dumbest design ever, piece of sh*t.” He kicks the picture. “Spit on it, boys!”

On queue, the four turtles start spitting on the picture multiple times. Raph kicks it again, and Angelo is flipping it off.]

Leonardo:

Come on, that’s not even an argument

Bootyyyshaker9000:

Wait, let them speak