A post about a father declining to pay for his son's college tuition after has gone viral on Reddit, where it had over 10,000 upvotes at the time of writing.
In a post shared on Reddit's Am I The A****** (AITA) subforum under the username Ornery-Cranberry7577, the dad noted that his son was given his "college fund" at 18 years of age and "told him he can do as he pleases with it." The son chose to spend it traveling and "finding himself" over the last two years.
The poster said: "He is 20 now and wishes to go to school, and asked us to pay for his tuition. When I asked what happened to the money he told us the above. I said no, and told him if he wants to go to school better get a job. My wife wants to pay it for his future, I said no we did right and he chose otherwise. AITA?"
Is the father in the viral post being unfair and harsh on his son?
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Alexandra Cromer, a licensed professional counselor (LPC), told Newsweek: "The dad is not a villain or 'the a******' for staying true to his promises and communicating boundaries and limitations."
Mental health counselor Matthew Schubert told Newsweek that while the son's request for college funds is reasonable, "it's equally valid for the parents to decline and remind him that the funds he received at 18 were intended for that purpose."
The post comes as more than half (62 percent) of adults in the U.S. aged 25 and older were found to not have a four-year college degree, the Pew Research Center reported in November 2021.
Among those surveyed who didn't have a bachelor's degree and weren't enrolled in school, around four-in-ten (42 percent) said a major reason for why they didn't have a four-year college degree was that they couldn't afford it, according to a Pew Research Center survey conducted in October 2021.
An 18-year-old is "an adult in my eyes, and old enough to understand actions have consequences," said the dad in the Reddit post.
The parents explained what the money was intended for to their son and that "he was free to use it as he pleases, just understand the consequences" and "that we would not police him over it," the dad noted.
The poster said: "I am not a monster and he knows this. He could have just asked 'hey I want to travel how can I best go about that.' Had he asked I would have [said] 'let's do x y and z with your money' then I would have given some money to travel.
"He had a bunch of options, he chose the worst one, but I was not going to forcely interject my views on him if he did not want to come ask me for help. The fact he did not meant to me he did not want my guidance."
'Clear Expectations' and 'Maintaining Boundaries'
Schubert, the CEO of Gem State Wellness, a counseling services provider in Boise, Idaho, said: "It's crucial for parents to establish clear expectations with their children, irrespective of their age. When the parents provided their son with money, they communicated that he had the freedom to allocate it as he saw fit. This understanding guided the son's choices, leading him to use the funds for travel instead of education.
"I commend the parents for affording the son the independence to utilize the funds according to his judgment and for allowing him to face the outcomes of his decision to spend it all on travel."
Cromer, who is from Thriveworks in Richmond, Virginia, which provides counseling and psychiatry services, agreed. She noted that it does not seem like the dad is being "too harsh." The father is simply maintaining boundaries that were discussed in detail with his son two years ago.
The LPC explained: "When we set interpersonal boundaries, the most important thing we can do to ensure that they work is to maintain those boundaries at all costs."
'We Need To Stop Excusing Poor Money Choices'
The latest Reddit post sparked debate among other Redditors, with some siding with the dad.
User No-Carry4971 noted: "An 18 year old is capable of making choices and dealing with the consequences. They can join the military, vote, drive, sign contracts, and make their own health decisions...It's not rocket science to understand that if you spend your college fund goofing off, you will no longer have a college fund."
Zealousideal-Sail972 said: "I agree that we need to stop excusing poor money choices simply because someone is 18. 18 years olds grow up in society, going to the grocery store, going to the movies, needing clothes, etc. they should not be oblivious that living costs money."
Rattimus wrote: "There are plenty of 18 year olds that would've made a much more responsible decision with this money..."
'Set Him Up for Failure'
Other Redditors felt the father set his son up for failure.
Global_Tea noted: "YTA [you're the a******], I'm sorry, but 18 year olds aren't good at decisions like that and you basically set him up for failure. A small portion for travel? Sure, the whole lot to 'do with as he wished?'. Both he and you made bad decisions, but you should have known better."
User covfefe-boy said: "Ya, gotta agree. NTA [not the a******], but OP [original poster] set the kid up for failure depending on his temperament and experience with money...Technically this is on the kid, but there's probably some missing info here."
OrindaSarnia wrote: "OP wants to act all high and mighty, but this is HIS failure as a parent, to teach his son that these things have consequences..."
Newsweek has contacted the original poster for comment.
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